The Second Annual Summer Review Marathon: Closing Ceremony

Welcome back fillies and gentlecolts! As summer draws to a close, so must this little adventure through the depths of FiM Fiction's story archive. To recap: This last month I managed to storm through seven stories here on Problematic Reviews and in progress, redesigned a lot of this website's visuals! However, the best is still yet to come! I still have to announce my top three must reads of the summer! Now, before anything, I must point out that the awards below are staff picks; meaning they do not represent the community's opinion. Rather, they are my own recommendations. You might disagree but then again, wouldn't the world be so boring if everyone agreed with me? One more thing: I do have third, second and first place winners but each story does bring its own outstanding element to the table and are equally recommended. Head down below the break for the winners!

FiM Fiction Review: The Sword Coast

I would like to address something briefly before moving on to the review. As many of you have heard, actor and comedian Robin Williams was pronounced dead in his home last Monday. The actor behind Genie in Aladdin and John Keating in Dead Poet Society brought so much joy and inspiration to my friends and I over the years. The news of his apparent (now confirmed) suicide came as a shock to all of us. Mr. Williams was battling depression leading up to this and his death serves as a grim reminder that anxiety and depression is something that many people suffer through every single day. My friends, I invite you to remember this amazing man and help in the battle against these horrible conditions. If you can spare the time and money, please take a moment and consider joining me in donating to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America. 

And for those of you considering suicide, I've been there before. I understand even thinking about taking you own life takes a lot of courage. Whatever pushed you there might be tough to get through, but I beg you: don't give up. I'm sure you've heard it all before, but your life is worth so much more. Here's the number for the US National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or my inbox is always open if you'd like someone to talk to. Here's a link for other countries and their lifeline numbers. 

Thanks for reading and now on to the review: 

Do you like adventure? Do you like intense action that puts the main character's life in constant jeopardy? Then you'll like this story. AdrianVesper's The Sword Coast follows the journey of Twilight Sparkle, a young ward and apprentice of Star Swirl, as she tracks down the conspirators and circumstances behind her mentor's murder. It's a pulse-pounding tale full of well done action and interesting characters. Unfortunately, The Sword Coast has no lack of problems that can easily put off some readers. From it's lackluster exposition and choppy dialogue, its shortcomings are few but glaring. Head down below the break for my review of The Sword Coast by AdrianVesper.

Summer Review Marathon: Scheduling Updates & More!

Welcome back, internet travelers! We are nearing the end of the two-month long Summer Review Marathon here on Problematic Reviews and I must say, it's certainly been an interesting summer. The final reviews with come out soon enough and the winner will be announced, but I would like to throw a quick heads up out there regarding the schedule. Please, if you have any questions, read this entire post and look on the contest page before asking. If you still have questions, I'll happily answer them! Just send a PM to my FimFiction profile. So without further ado:

Contest closing date moved to August 22nd!

Due to some scheduling issues, I will be moving back the closing date to August 22nd to make room for a few more reviews. A separate "fast-lane" queue has been made for those of you who would like to bypass the conventional queue in time for the contest. It will stay open to requests via FimFiction PM until Saturday, August 16th. Unlike the review queue, it's a first come, first serve system. Hurry and register if you would like to participate!

Winner will be announced on August 29th!

The winner will be announced a week after the contest closes on August 29th. Three nominees will be announced on Monday, August 25th. My staff and I will then debate which of the three will receive First, Second and Last Place.

The Summer Review Marathon contest page has been updated to include all of the above.

Toodles~

FiM Fiction Review: Cold Light

It's rare that I read a story for fun as of late. Especially now with the review marathon in full swing, most stories that catch my eye on Equestria Daily usually go to the purgatory that is my “Read Later” list. With the exception of this one. Perhaps it was how ambitious it is for another relatively low-profile writer to take on such a story? Or how the introduction catches the reader's attention by foreshadowing the climax? These things and more make Scramblers and Shadows' Cold Light my most anticipated story this year. From its interesting character dynamics to fascinating world building, there's no doubt that this story has plenty of potential. If Cold Light builds up to be as good as its opening chapters, I am very interested in reading more. Head down below the break for my review of Cold Light by Scramblers and Shadows.

FiM Fiction Review: On Time for a Change

Welcome back, internet travelers! It appears we're having an unofficial comedy week here as this is the second comedy I have reviewed and the second time I took the schedule as a complete joke! Yeah… Just give no regard to the calendar for now. I'll have it fixed by The Sword Coast! Promise! Jumping in, LordSmokedMeatsandFishes's On Time for a Change follows the story of Pendulum, an expert in logistics, as he tries to fix Ponyville's Winter Wrap Up problem. He runs into the inevitable roadblocks and humor ensues. Unfortunately, On Time for a Change has a great setup but is inhibited by its own setbacks. Pendulum is the stereotypical unlikeable Manehatten businessman and the story is rather ill-paced and badly executed. Everything else is not at all memorable or clever, making for an overall lackluster read. Head below the break for my review of On Time for a Change by LordSmokedMeatsandFishes. 

FiM Fiction Review: The Origin of Sunbutt

Welcome back, internet travelers! Let me start by apologizing for the schedule mix up involving this one. I recently attended a four-day journalism workshop that unfortunately left me very little time to finish the critique, but after a little rest, I think I'm ready to jump right into this one. GeodesicDragon's The Origin of Sunbutt is -and I’m going to get so much hate for this- tragically sub-par. While I looked forward to a short but comical take on Celestia’s cutie mark story and backstory behind the Sunbutt nickname, The Origin of Sunbutt presents itself with very little character and lack of a solid plotline or pacing to drive the thing. Along with mediocre dialogue and sub-par portrayal of Celestia, I cannot recommend it, especially if you're unfamiliar with Geo’s form of storytelling. Head below the break for my review of The Origin of Sunbutt by GeodesicDragon.

FiM Fiction Review: Awaken, Scootaloo

I would usher in the review with a remark about something that happened in the last week or commenting on the last review in hindsight, but I have nothing to say this time. This limbo is torturous. Hopping in, xjuggernaughtx’s Awaken, Scootaloo took me completely by surprise. I started reading expecting another sub-par fic desperately trying to tug at my heart string but instead was moved by a fantastic short story sporting on an awfully relatable message. Along with wonderfully done dialogue and well portrayed canon characters, I definitely recommend Awaken, Scootaloo for those of you looking for something short to read. Head below the break for my full review of Awaken, Scootaloo by xjuggernaughtx. 

FiM Fiction Review: The Equestrian Origins Trilogy (Part 3): The Pendant and the Amulet

We're finally here. I’ve review all three stories of the Equestrian Origins Trilogy. Links to all the reviews, and stories, are after the review. While my reviews of this trilogy’s first two parts weren't at all positive, Cerulean Voice’s third and final addition to the series certainly did surprise me in a few ways. To describe it in a few words: The Pendant and the Amulet's introduction is solid. Pendant manages to build on its main characters from Keeper of the Crystal Heart and avoids many of the problems its predecessor faced. It also provides a good introduction to the plot and foreshadows the antagonist excellently. Unfortunately, The Pendant and the Amulet already has some flaws. I was told The Pendant and the Amulet is only about 25-percent complete but even its opening chapters hint towards some of the problems its like to face. Check out the full review after the break! 

FiM Fiction Review: The Equestrian Origins Trilogy (Part 2): Keeper of the Crystal Heart

I couldn't help but notice the streak of negative reviews I've been handing down recently. Like I've said many times in the past, giving out low scores is not something I'm particularly proud of, even if it is in the job description. Nevertheless, I marched forward through Cerulean Voice’s Keeper of the Crystal Heart desperately hoping this story would break this trend. To put it bluntly: it doesn’t. Keeper of the Crystal Heart has many glaring issues which make the whole thing come off as weak and sloppy. More tragically, many of these problems lie at the core of the story. With its bland characters, convoluted conflicts, and poor pacing; I can't say I would recommend it. Head below the break for the full review of Keeper of the Crystal Heart by Cerulean Voice.

FiM Fiction Review: The Equestrian Origins (Part One): These Flowers Never Bloom

Welcome back, internet travelers! I'm taking on another little endeavor to brighten things up in our imaginary offices. I introduce to you, the reader, my latest shenanigans: series reviews! Just kidding… I know it's not all that exciting. Worth mentioning though: For the next few weeks, we'll be putting Cerulean Voice’s Equestrian Origins Trilogy under the microscope and reviewing all three stories. With that incredibly important piece of news: onwards to the review! These Flowers Never Bloom, the first of three stories diving into the very origin of Equestria is, surprisingly, rather solid. It definitely has its moments with some fascinating imagery and solid dialogue. However, things start to get awfully troublesome in the character arc department when clunky pacing and some bland main characters combine to make things stagnate. Either way, I recommend you take a look at it. Head down below the break for my review of Cerulean Voice’s These Flowers Never Bloom!

FiM Fiction Review - The End [Stories Back From the Read - Season 1]

I get the feeling I'm going to get a lot of hate for this. Shalrath's The End is by far the most liked story reviewed on this blog, but I would fail as a critic if I told you I was impressed and therefore, earn your hatred. Nevertheless, a critic who doesn't expect to be hated obviously didn't read the job description thoroughly and didn't realize that hatred simply goes under “occupational hazard.” The End is at best a solid story with an excellent presentation but sub-par story elements. Even with its solid dialogue and good structure, The End is likely to disappoint those of you looking for a deeper read with lousy character development and poor story progression. For the sake of getting it over and done with, onward to the review!

News Update - August 17: 5000 Pageview Special (New series and the Summer Review Marathon Winners)

I woke up to the most pleasant thing this morning. Problematic Reviews has just hit its 5000 views milestone! We couldn't have done it without you, the readers. A huge thanks from the bottom of our hearts to all our readers, those of you with us since day one and the ones who've recently joined us. You guys are the best and to commemorate reaching this milestone, we only want to give you the best. Stay tuned after the break for our new series and the winner of the Summer Review Marathon.

FiM Fiction Review - Whispers

It's interesting how little time there is to do things during the Summer. In between vacations and such, time can really fly. However, there is a "calm before the storm" during these few weeks so I say we review two 30,000+ word, Equestria Daily featured stories starting with Chrono_Ryono's Whispers. Well, the second is about 90,000 words so I'm going to try to hide under a rock and try not to think of the sea of reading that awaits me. Nevertheless,  I have plenty of good things to say about Whispers. From the excellent dialogue to the interesting characters to the outstanding grammar and structure, it's hard to not recommend this story. But what's the use of recommending it when you'll (hopefully) read the review anyways? Onwards to the review!

FiM Fiction Review - Mare of the Mountains

Interesting. Very interesting indeed. History was always one of my favorite subjects in school and, as a result, I was overjoyed to watch Hearth's Warming Eve of Friendship is Magic only to be annoyed at how many questions Equestria's history books like to leave as [let the fanfic writers obsess over plot holes here]. That being said, I do wish to see more FiM Fictions that expand on Equestrian history or therefore lack of. What am I getting at? What I'm trying to say is: bias aside, I think Posey's Mare of the Mountains has the potential to be one of the most anticipated pieces of fan fiction of the year. I have many complaints, such as the slow introduction and poor scene transitions, but I can't say I'm too disappointed. The dialogue is excellent and the main character has potential with an interesting yet simple back story. As I said, I look forward to Mare of the Mountains but I rather tell you why in the review. Let's get to it shall we?

News Update - July 17: Back From Guatemala | Away From Keyboard Round-Up

Hello again, everypony. I'm happy to say my leave of laziness is finally over. After two weeks of family reunions and the likes in the mountains, I'm rested and ready to get back to work. Without further ado, let's get on to the weekly news. In the first slot, we have the Away From Keyboard Roundup and some news in the world of other FiM Fiction reviewers. Secondly, a letter of thanks to you guys. Catch this and more below.

News Update - July 5: No Review This Week, Going on Vacation, Of Age Review Spotlight Post

Good evening, fellow interweb explorers! Do not fret, there is some good news; my graphics designer just forgot to put it in the banner. By the way, I didn't click the publish button on this post. I'm on an airplane headed towards Guatemala so that means you guys won't be seeing me for about two weeks. Thank you Blogger post schedule. Anyways, go get that hot plate of updates after the break! 

FiM Fiction Review - Vengeance of Dawn

I'm sure I'm not the only one that has a love-hate relationship with not only FiM Fiction, but my FiM Fiction neighbors as well. We're a jolly lot aren't we? I mean, it's hard to deny it with all the gore and, let us not forget, clop. Nevertheless, I did say it was a love-hate relationship. The reason being, there's always that one story that blows you away, yet everyone seems to have missed... Scipio Smith's Vengeance of Dawn probably isn't the word 100,000 word epic 10-out-of-10-deserving story that we're all looking for, but with some fixing it could be pretty damn close. Smith did one hell of a job establishing that the aftermath of Princess Twilight Sparkle's coronation isn't easy for her and her friends. This is really Vengeance of Dawn's spot to shine: the characters, canon and original, have realistic and challenging inner struggles which establish their personalities. To back up the great characters, the dialogue is excellent and every conversation feels organic and flows nicely. However, both have their hiccups and the writing is not exactly top notch. Even with these problems, Vengeance of Dawn is an enjoyable read.  

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Vengeance of Dawn by Scipio Smith  

Incomplete (Last Updated June 15, 2013) 

Twilight grew up and found her destiny, but there is one pony who feels embittered that it should have been her destiny, her glory.  Breaking Dawn, Celestia's former student, is convinced that she is the true Element of Magic and has been robbed of her honours, her fame and most importantly of the love of Princess Celestia without which Dawn is nothing. 

Rallying her old friends, Breaking Dawn sets out to bring Equestria's newest princess down and pass the final test her mentor set her all those years ago. As Dawn begins to wreak her vengeance, and Twilight struggles to protect her precious ponies from her elusive adversary, both these students of Celestia embark upon a dark path, paying no heed to the truth that a quest for revenge can only end one way. Read it here.  

Tags: Tragedy, Adventure, Alternate Universe 

Rating: Everyone 

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Vengeance of Dawn's strongest point is undoubtedly its dialogue. I enjoyed reading the characters' conversations because they elegantly showcase the story's characters. Not to mention the dialogue flows excellently and the lines feel organic and rich with personality. As mentioned, it does hiccup a bit in the later chapters when I start to see the infamous "wall of dialogue."  Try to avoid one character talking for an obsessive amount of time; it can be an immersion-breaker for your readers. One last thing while we're on the topic of dialogue: the majority of errors occur in the dialogue. I spotted multiple random line breaks, the dreaded ", typo, and most of all, questions ending with periods. 

I can easily say that Breaking Dawn and her friends are beyond the copy/paste ex-Mane 6. A few of the not-meant-to-be Mane 6 element holders don't obviously represent their elements and I like that. Even more to the point, Scipio Smith didn't me bang over the head insisting that these guys are the antagonists. Even Dawn, the villains hell-bent on getting  her revenge, has her own struggles with the blood on her hooves and thus, developing the characters even further.  

Vengeance of Dawn contains many flashbacks to the earlier years of Twilight's time at Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns. I feared that this would the story choppy and difficult to read. Did it? Surprisingly not. It added a very nice narrative to the whole story; showing the reader the path that eventually lead to Dawn going for revenge. There were times when the flashbacks were rather choppy and transition badly, but they were fortunately few and far between. The flashbacks really saved the readers from some long explanatory dialogues.  

Now, some of you might draw parallels from the recently released Equestria Girls. I haven't seen it but I did see the similarities from viewing the trailer. Be advised if you are annoyed by those things, but originality is not my place to judge (from the critique point of view).  

The next could be considered a big problem, particularly for the more technical readers (writers than anyone else). Vengeance of Dawn, especially in the earlier chapters, has plenty of technical errors. I'm talking about run-on sentences, choppy paragraph breaks, the wall-of-text, and minor punctuation typos. They're hardly noticeable, but I couldn't help but point out that the writing can get pretty sloppy in some places.   

You know what? I liked Vengeance of Dawn. However, the characters, dialogue, and narrative (essentially the backbone of a story) act like a double edged sword, doing well in most places but hurting the story in others. Nevertheless, some of the narrative elements really backs this story up and with a little more polish, the characters as well. If you can get pass the technical problems, Vengeance of Dawn is a good story with interesting, down to earth characters. One last thing before I go, this should be the last review before the Fiesta Equestria 2013 convention and afterwards, my two week vacation to Guatemala. Reviews will be back in high gear when I return on the 18th of June. This has been Admujica, have a great weekend everyone and I look forward to seeing some of you at the con!  

Vengeance of Dawn gets a score of: 7 out of 10  

An overall very well done story with some technical problems  

Read it here.  

FiM Fiction Review - Of Age

You might be asking yourself “why?” I too am asking myself why I am doing this. This is what happens when you stay up till 5am in the morning with your Brony friends. For someone who is not of legal age to drink, I'd imagine it’s an equivalent to those not-so-sober moments. Anyways, it was at this moment that the chump I call my friend turned to me and said “Why the hell don’t you review any of the stories I like?” Turns out he only likes Paleowriter's Of Age. Well then. I knew the time would come that I would have to review a story with a like: dislike ratio of 80 to 1 without being requested to do so. Nevertheless, this one’s for you Eli. Of Age does a phenomenal job of capturing My Little Pony's characters, not only in the dialogue but also in the writing itself. The structure was pretty impressively done is very well written. The only problem I have with Of Age is the pacing. It's mediocre in the opening chapters. Even when you begin to realize this is a really slow story, it feels like the story is taking too long to get to its main conflict.  Nevertheless, I definitely recommend Of Age if you're looking for a good read. 

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Of Age by Paleowriter
Incomplete (Last updated May 13, 2013)
When Rarity writes to Princess Celestia inquiring after how dragons age, she gets a plea for help in reply. A war is brewing, and Princess Celestia thinks Rarity's the one to stop it. Now, still completely uncertain what her feelings for Spike are or if they're even plausible, she's off to meet with his distant relatives to negotiate a truce between the dragons and the sea serpents before the world gets caught up in their destructive clash. Read it here. 
Tags: Romance, Adventure
Rating: Everyone
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It's been two weeks. Two bloody weeks since I've done a review. Thanks final exams. Putting that aside, Of Age shines in its narrative and dialogue due to Paleowriter ability to capture Rarity's character. Pretty much every canon character is excellently done, I believe Rarity and Spike's characters shine due to the narrative. Their thoughts and personalities make an excellent narrative that truly "guides" the reader though the story.  

Like stated in the prior paragraph, the dialogue is absolutely fantastic. The fact that the characters never break character only supplements a beautiful balance of  organic and well-flowing dialogue. Conversations are natural and move very nicely. For the most part, I enjoyed the rich conversations in this story. 

Holy hell. Where are my notes? Ah yes! The excellent narrative is complemented by how well Of Age was written. The story flows nicely and is easy on the reader. Thoughts and internal conversations are expressed through the handy-dandy italic text. Much to my enjoyment, the majority of these "thoughts" never lasted too long nor made the text choppy.  

I was going to put this with the characterization paragraph but this might be considered world building. Nevertheless, the Sea Serpent and Dragon characters, even with their rather momentary appearances, were well fleshed out and their cultures are excellently reflected in their dialogue and actions. There is even a moment when a dragon talks to Rarity about their culture. Much to my surprise, the moment doesn't feel forced or cheesy in any way. Scratch that. Every world building moment in Of Age is beautifully done! Not only that but it is easy to see the differences in the conflicting cultures just off of how the original characters act. Paleowriter expands on what we already know about the world, then slips it into the story without feeling forced or cheesy. That is what every fan fiction writer should strive for. Very nicely done, Paleowriter. 

Of Age obviously has a lot going for it,  but there is one major problem that could make many readers drop it. You see, Of Age starts off very slow and takes a while to get to its main conflict. Don't get me wrong, the conflict is introduced well and quickly captures the reader's attention. Partially because Paleowriter establishes very early on that things are not right very early on. However, the plot never really progresses until about Chapter Four. My advice to the reader: stick to Of Age for a while. It might take awhile to get moving, but the plot is very captivating and has its fair share of twists and turns.  

Believe it or not, I lost my notes on this story more than I feel comfortable admitting. It starting to feel like some kind of bad joke. Nevertheless, I can't say I wasn't disappointed in Of Age once I got over the slow introduction. Backed by it's outstanding dialogue, exceptional characterization, and well written structure, Of Age is a very enjoyable story. Pick this one up if you're looking for an epic adventure with some Sparity tossed in. This has been Admujica, have a great weekend everyone. 

Of Age gets a score of: 8 out of 10 

Exceptional characters and dialogue, very interesting plot once you get past its slow introduction 

Read it here.