FiM Fiction Review: The Sword Coast

I would like to address something briefly before moving on to the review. As many of you have heard, actor and comedian Robin Williams was pronounced dead in his home last Monday. The actor behind Genie in Aladdin and John Keating in Dead Poet Society brought so much joy and inspiration to my friends and I over the years. The news of his apparent (now confirmed) suicide came as a shock to all of us. Mr. Williams was battling depression leading up to this and his death serves as a grim reminder that anxiety and depression is something that many people suffer through every single day. My friends, I invite you to remember this amazing man and help in the battle against these horrible conditions. If you can spare the time and money, please take a moment and consider joining me in donating to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America. 

And for those of you considering suicide, I've been there before. I understand even thinking about taking you own life takes a lot of courage. Whatever pushed you there might be tough to get through, but I beg you: don't give up. I'm sure you've heard it all before, but your life is worth so much more. Here's the number for the US National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or my inbox is always open if you'd like someone to talk to. Here's a link for other countries and their lifeline numbers. 

Thanks for reading and now on to the review: 

Do you like adventure? Do you like intense action that puts the main character's life in constant jeopardy? Then you'll like this story. AdrianVesper's The Sword Coast follows the journey of Twilight Sparkle, a young ward and apprentice of Star Swirl, as she tracks down the conspirators and circumstances behind her mentor's murder. It's a pulse-pounding tale full of well done action and interesting characters. Unfortunately, The Sword Coast has no lack of problems that can easily put off some readers. From it's lackluster exposition and choppy dialogue, its shortcomings are few but glaring. Head down below the break for my review of The Sword Coast by AdrianVesper.

FiM Fiction Review: The Equestrian Origins Trilogy (Part 3): The Pendant and the Amulet

We're finally here. I’ve review all three stories of the Equestrian Origins Trilogy. Links to all the reviews, and stories, are after the review. While my reviews of this trilogy’s first two parts weren't at all positive, Cerulean Voice’s third and final addition to the series certainly did surprise me in a few ways. To describe it in a few words: The Pendant and the Amulet's introduction is solid. Pendant manages to build on its main characters from Keeper of the Crystal Heart and avoids many of the problems its predecessor faced. It also provides a good introduction to the plot and foreshadows the antagonist excellently. Unfortunately, The Pendant and the Amulet already has some flaws. I was told The Pendant and the Amulet is only about 25-percent complete but even its opening chapters hint towards some of the problems its like to face. Check out the full review after the break! 

FiM Fiction Review - Fool's Gold

Sorry for the late review. I've been running around like a madman all week and lady luck hasn't exactly been fond of my efforts to get reviews done. Not to mention I've come down with some horrid bug flying around. Albeit it did give me a chance to wrap up in blankets and push on through Merc the Jerk's Fool's Gold. The glass half full right? Fool's Gold is an action-packed adventure that definitely has its moments, but also has its fair share of problems. Characterization can be a bit rough at parts and while the Mane 6 are not exactly the personalities we know and love from the show, they pull on through and stick to their cores. Decent dialogue drives much of the story. It feels a bit odd at first due to the action-driven nature of Fool's Gold but steadily improves as you get a feel for the pace and humor. Overall, Fool's Gold feels mediocre at the beginning and hits a few bumps along the way out but achieves what it set out to do: be a fun action-packed ride. Onward to the review!

FiM Fiction Review - Twilight Sparkle: Night Shift

I would say this is a fitting piece with Halloween around the corner. Think of it like this: Abraham the Vampire Slayer has a child with Fringe and Fringe cheats on Abraham the Vampire Slayer with My Little Pony. The fetuses joined in the womb and created this story. Did I mention I'm horribly sleep deprived? JawJoe's Twilight Sparkle: Night Shift is quite the adventure filled with conspiracy involving horrific monsters and dark magic. Twilight Sparkle has to use her wits and magic to not only defeat these terrifying creatures of the night, but also track down the mare behind them. Night Shift is a decent story that does it's job well. It's episodic style is attractive and the conflict is interesting and  progresses nicely. Dialogue can get a bit rough in the slower conversations; not flowing naturally in many places. Most scenes are visualized excellently and play into the fear factor well. Although there aren't any glaring issues on the surface, Night Shift has no shortage of problems. Onward to the review!

FiM Fiction Review - Of Steam Gears and Wings

At this point things are back to the daily grind and late nights studying with Pandora Radio as my only companion. I personally don't mind for one reason: stories like RavensDagger's Of Steam Gears and Wings. Stories like this one are a breath of fresh air even if it is far from perfection. The characterization of the Cutie Mark Crusaders is fantastic as they are plunged into an epic struggle between an ambitious rebellion and an empire's monstrous armada; all made possible with the power of breathtaking world building and exposition. Scene visuals are well baked and the overall presentation is excellent. If there was one issue with Of Steam Gears and Wings, it would be that the dialogue gets a bit rough in some places. Nevertheless, Of Steam Gears and Wings is nothing short of excellent. Onwards to the review!

FiM Fiction Review - The End [Stories Back From the Read - Season 1]

I get the feeling I'm going to get a lot of hate for this. Shalrath's The End is by far the most liked story reviewed on this blog, but I would fail as a critic if I told you I was impressed and therefore, earn your hatred. Nevertheless, a critic who doesn't expect to be hated obviously didn't read the job description thoroughly and didn't realize that hatred simply goes under “occupational hazard.” The End is at best a solid story with an excellent presentation but sub-par story elements. Even with its solid dialogue and good structure, The End is likely to disappoint those of you looking for a deeper read with lousy character development and poor story progression. For the sake of getting it over and done with, onward to the review!

FiM Fiction Review - Whispers

It's interesting how little time there is to do things during the Summer. In between vacations and such, time can really fly. However, there is a "calm before the storm" during these few weeks so I say we review two 30,000+ word, Equestria Daily featured stories starting with Chrono_Ryono's Whispers. Well, the second is about 90,000 words so I'm going to try to hide under a rock and try not to think of the sea of reading that awaits me. Nevertheless,  I have plenty of good things to say about Whispers. From the excellent dialogue to the interesting characters to the outstanding grammar and structure, it's hard to not recommend this story. But what's the use of recommending it when you'll (hopefully) read the review anyways? Onwards to the review!

Story News - Lethe [Story Update Coming Soon]

Good morning everyone. I have a little update for you. Preservation's Lethe was the first story I  reviewed and I definitely recommend you go check it out. Aside from some pacing problems, it is extremely well  written and the characterization is excellent. It got an 8 out of 10 back then. I was just informed that Preservation has rewritten it. Details after the break.  

FiM Fiction Review - The Human and The Tall One

I couldn't help but notice that I have been giving out lower and lower scores as of late. I think I might just be growing a bit ill-humored and therefore more willing to burn a box of puppies. I never liked the bloody things anyways. TheMadBrony’s The Human and the Tall One has an entertaining main character that is driving force behind this story. The conversations he has with himself are hilarious and while it doesn’t express internal conflict, his multiple personalities provide very amusing commentary. However, this story is quickly weighed down by mediocre dialogue and bad characterization. Even more so, the narrative and writing need some work. This is going to be another negative review, isn't it? Yep! Onward to reviews!

FiM Fiction Reviews - Outbreak: Unknown

It’s easy to say that I probably shouldn't be writing reviews at the moment. The first wave of finals are inbound and it’s about time to hide in the bunkers. Nevertheless, I am still here. Sorry if I snap at a few at you. Secretary! Give a story to review this week! Wait.... I don't have a secretary. Damn shame. Well then I'll chose... like I've always done for the last two months. How about a darker one? Ah yes! ChaosBrony93’s Outbreak: Unknown was right on mark with trying to set its darker tone but things quickly go south with the exposition and dialogue. Both end up disappointing and overall rather dull. I hate to say it but Outbreak: Unknown is tied down by several problems that overwhelm the good in it.

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Outbreak: Unknown by ChaosBrony93

Incomplete (last updated April 14 2013)

This is a recount of the events that transpired on the eve of Nightmare Night, 30 years ago today. These hoof-written accounts were ignored as writings of mad-ponies and diseased minds... But they were wrong. Far beneath the lush beauty of Equestria lies a sinister secret, the dark past long forgotten by unicorn and pegasi alike. I must warn you dear reader, what you read within these very pages is the absolute truth. Seek it and perish without a scream... Without a whisper... Read it here.

Tags: Dark

Rating: Teen, Gore

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I don't like to bring up this issue too often considering we are, after all, amateur writers. While it shouldn't lower the standards, it’s impossible to expect an unpaid individual who is simply doing this on his/her free time to have perfect grammar and spelling every time. However I caught several mistakes throughout Outbreak: Unknown. In this case, I do recommend finding an editor for it will greatly improve the piece.

Outbreak: Unknown, as well as the horror genre, focus greatly on design. They strive to perfect imagery but also to find the ideal exposition. So after making me dry heave, I couldn't help but realize that that, even with my overly sensitive stomach, the imagery is very well done; especially when trying to highlight the darker portions of the story. If you won’t listen to me then listen to the former contents of my stomach.

Unfortunately, that’s probably the only good thing from this story. Like I said in the intro, things quickly go south from there. Outbreak: Unknown knew where it was going. It knew the dark, desperate situation it was shooting for but the exposition is lacking. Even with its head start, the exposition lags behind and often repeats itself. Not to mention it all is really dull and uninspiring. You see, I find that some authors don't get the mood just right. Sometimes they are too subtle, but in this case, the mood is shoved down the reader’s throat like some gigantic pill. Back off a bit, you know? Try not to repeat yourself too often and try to tell the story through the character’s eyes.

This brings me to my next point. Twilight and her friends break character very often. I would go in depth but these reviews are spoiler-free. Just keep in mind: “What would they do in the show?” While we're at it, the dialogue doesn't only break their characters even further, but is also choppy and unrealistic. Some of the lines are cringe-worthy and conversations change faster than Hollywood celebrities’ love lives. I often say, if you can't carry out the conversions in real life, then they shouldn't be in your story.

So I hired a secretary while writing this review. I believe his name is Watson but I wouldn't know because he quit on the first day. Something about underpayment and I give him too much work, but that besides the point! Outbreak: Unknown comes in swinging with great imagery but is crucified by its lacking exposition and bad characterization. However, I can say that some of you that enjoy the things that my stomach obviously doesn't could enjoy this story. Before signing out, I must say that the next two weeks will be unbelievably busy for me and there might not be a review this week. Please don't lynch me. This has been Admujica.  I'll see you guys next week and stay safe EQLA blackout survivors!

Outbreak: Unknown gets a score of: 5 out of 10

Strong imagery that appeals to the horror genre but not without several exposition and dialogue problems.

Read it here.

FiM Fiction Review - The Rising Stars

The thunderstorm that came by my neighborhood wasn't too friendly, to say the least. Not to mention my porch was flooded, the local gasoline station came down with a case of oh-god-the-building-is-collapsing. Now, I never liked Texaco anyways but I do like using metaphors. I’m not saying it’s like the Texaco gasoline station, but ShootingStar159’s The Rising Stars comes pretty close to collapsing due to excess weight. The Rising Stars pulls through in the end but nearly dies as it goes through too much world building in the early chapters. The pace slows frighteningly in the beginning and suffers from bad exposition. Get passed it’s problems and The Rising Stars does very well with good dialogue, interesting characters and intriguing world building. Poor Texaco, the only thing they get is to be used as a metaphor.

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The Rising Stars by ShootingStar159

Incomplete (Last Updated April 16, 2013)

After almost being executed for his magical talents, a young Starswirl wanders into a mysterious forest. His life is barely saved by a creature out of legends, an alicorn named Luna, who not only saves his life, but takes the young colt under the care of herself and her older sister.

But Luna isn't the only one who's taken an interest in the young unicorn... Read it here.

Tags: Sad, Dark, Adventure

Rating: Teen, Gore

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Starswirl was a character that always intrigued me and I was looking forward to some backstory. However, I was quick to put away my bias as my reviewer senses started tingling. The first chapter, if I recall correctly, opens with Luna retelling the events of the past few years. Considering The Rising Stars is set as far back as before Hearth's Warming Eve, you can say ShootingStar has plenty of wiggle room to exercise his imagination on the world of our equine friends. The end result is fantastic. ShootingStar puts together an intriguing and fascinating world that had me hooked from the start.

Unfortunately, this is where one of The Rising Stars main problems occur. I have read the review fromThe Equestrian Critics Society which I recommend reading but disagree with in some cases. The point is, this is where I highly disagree with them. The exposition is weak and problematic at best. The new universe is a big pill to swallow with exploration of the origin of the Elements of Harmony, Alicorns, and the creation of the world itself. All this information is given to the reader quickly and very blandly. There are more interesting mediums to recall past events.

I just realized that I started on the negative side of things. No worries, The Rising Stars has some good stuff up its sleeve. This however isn’t one of those “good things.” The largest issue this story faces is its strange case of being extremely slow. It take four chapters to establish any sort of conflict and in the meantime, the mystery is never brought up by any of the characters. It just feels like too much time is taken in doing, well that’s the problem, nothing.

Finally! On to more good stuff! For one, the dialogue is great and feels natural in most instances. It does have its hiccups where the conversations don’t flow all too well. Unfortunately, it does happen often enough to reduce points, but the dialogue does well overall. Some could complain that Celestia and Luna do not speak in the Royal Canterlot voice, but there is an explanation. Now, the author has said it himself and I am confident he would allow me to speak on his behalf. The Royal Canterlot voice doesn't exist yet. If you remember from Hearth’s Warming Eve, the three tribes were united when they agreed on sharing the land known as Equestria. We can assume Canterlot was founded after the events of Hearth's Warming Eve by the Unicorns. As a result, the idea of the Unicorn royalty later developing the “dialect” isn’t too far fetched. Hey! It makes sense to me!

Last but definitely not least is the writing style. Hats off to ShootingStar for this one. The Rising Starsdoes a good job at following the “Show, Don’t Tell” technique. This is where the writing style packs a punch. Scenes are clearly visualized without long descriptions of them. It’s hard to do and it’s incredible on the writer’s part.

It’s getting late now and as much as I like sitting at the keyboard with bloodshot eyes, yawning like it’s my duty to wake up the entire household, I think it’s time to wrap this review up. The Rising Stars has several problems including bad pacing and a lacking exposition. However, I highly recommend it because of it’s strength in writing style, dialogue, and world building. ShootingStar’s The Rising Stars will never fail to intrigue the reader as it is a display of the writer's imagination that knows no end. This has been Admujica. Have a great week everyone!

The Rising Stars gets a score of: 8.5 out of 10

Although it begins weakly, The Rising Stars has excellent dialogue and incredible world building.

Read it here.

The Equestrian Critics Society Site can be found here.

The Rising Stars Review by the Equestrian Critics Society can be found here.

FiM Fiction Review - My Little World War 2

So I was taking a walk when, for some strange reason, I found a lone sock lying on the sidewalk. Now I live in a decent neighborhood where random muddy socks should be a seldom occurrence, but this could be metaphor for the main problem with this story. Cold Revenge’s My Little World War 2 shortcomings exaggerate how out-of-place everything was in this story. Of course, I didn't see Hitler-Luna coming to wrack me upside the head but this is what makes this story feel out-of-place. Sticking out of all its problems, there is no build-up for the events of this story. The Mane 6 breaking character, problems with pacing, and a lacking narrative makes this story trip and fall in several places. If I didn't get the point across yet, I don't have too many not things to say about My Little World War 2. The good thing is cold revenge has taken it down for a complete overhaul and while it is his first story, I am confident that a better review will be up after this "major revision." For this I have to say, good work!

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My Little World War 2 by cold revenge

Incomplete (last update March 12, 2013)

The Solar Empire has ruled for too long, now it's up to Princess Luna, our fearless new leader, to launch a war that will spread across the globe! Who is on which side, and more importantly, who will survive this struggle between sisters!?

Tags: Tragedy, Dark, Adventure, Alternate Universe

Rating: Mature, Gore

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If I'm going to make a negative review, I’m going to start from the beginning of this story’s problems. The events of My Little World War 2 just come out of nowhere, without explanation or reason. I very well understand that cold revenge’s intentions were to strictly follow the events of the Second World War, but this story feels all too much copy/paste. As a direct result, there isn't any build-up toward these events; they just happen. It goes directly into my early statement concerning the main cast breaking character. In the end, My Little World War 2 feels like World War 2 with MLP characters “plugged in” and shows no reason why such things are happening.

Secondly, this lack of build-up effects pacing severely, making everything feel rushed and inconstant. Not that the story is hard to follow but there isn't much reason to care for it. The events of the Second World War are heartbreaking but that is because of the inhumanity behind them. This is not the case with My Little World War 2 because we already know Fluttershy’s comparison or Rainbow Dash’s loyalty. Take that away without giving us a "why" or "how," and the reader quickly loses investment in those characters; which I will address in the next paragraph. All the main plot points lose their weight and are forgettable. Or maybe I'm just turning into my dad.

The third issue this story faces could be a direct result of the second; the drastic character changes. One minute, someone could be Fluttershy-level kindness one chapter then a cold-blooded killer the next. These drastic “character breaking” moments happen quickly and without explanation. Not to mention the Mane 6 are forced to take on strange personalities. This is my main reason for “shrugging off” any of the characters. Without spoiling anything, some of the things that happen are pretty heavy but, because I don't see them unfold naturally, I don't see the true extend of them. The plot suffer as well, making it bland and uninteresting.

If you've already read my review of Farming in the Icy Inferno, you might remember how I mentioned that setting establishes mood. My Little World War 2 does not visualize anything well and it became evident as the more emotional parts didn't exactly tug at my heartstrings. The mood, or lack of, pushes the in the wrong way for me. Of course, this only exaggerating the disappointing narrative. The narrative is uninteresting and doesn't do much to help the story. It’s slow and monotone, never highlighting important points.

Finally it’s over! I really don't like negative reviews. To round it up, My Little World War 2 suffers from bad pacing, extreme character breaking, and a lack of visualization. If cold revenge could take things more slowly and take the time to expand on the events of the war and grow the characters then My Little World War 2 would be a decent crossover. Nevertheless, I would definitely like to hear your opinion! Leave a comment below telling me what you think! Well that wrap up this review. This has been Admujica. Stay safe everypony!

My Little World War 2 gets a score of: 2.5 out of 10

Overall rushed with too many character breaking moments to make up for its bland plot

* No link available. Story under revision. **Review published with permission from author.

FiM Fiction Review - The Happiness and Peace of Mind Committee

You can't judge a book by it cover. Nor can you judge it from the prologue. Reviewing FlanChan’s The Happiness and Peace of Mind Committee is something that has taken a lot of thought, not only because of how short it is but also where I can the see the plot and its problems going. Although FlanChan’s concept of a constantly-happy utopian Equestria is promising, the conflict introduces itself weakly and present a story which unless done carefully, could ruin this story for me. 

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The Happiness and Peace of Mind Committee by FlanChan

Incomplete (last updated March 7, 2013)

"Are you happy? You know it’s your duty, right? Do as you're expected!”

Twilight Sparkle lives with her friends in a technologically advanced utopia, where the happiness of everypony is guaranteed. There are no fights, no heartbreak, and no troubles of the past. Everypony lives in bliss.

Twilight and her friends need to rebel. Read it here.

Tags: Dark, Adventure, Alternate Universe

Rating: Teen

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I will address this very briefly because, after all, it is the prologue and I do not expect the story to continue presenting itself in diary-style. The diary writing style of the prologue was an appropriate way to introduce the main conflict, but I feel that it was poorly executed in regards to characterization. You would expect there to be personality and strong emotions in a diary. I don't know about you guys but that’s how I write in my journal. Don’t judge. Although, one thing I have to give it credit for is the mood it sets with the writer’s amnesia. I felt that something was really wrong throughout the prologue. This where The Happiness and Peace of Mind Committee really shines. Twilight’s character is depicted well because the only thing she remembers is the thing most important to her: her friends. It’s genius how not only does this amnesia set the mood, but also shows Twi’s character.

This might be the weakest point for the exposition: the storytelling is flat out linear because it takes on storytelling as telling a story. Okay, wait. That might sound confusing. Fact is, the prologue doesn't show us a story, instead it tells a story. This can be fixed by adding character into the writing or just by introducing the conflict by different means.

It’s quite an interesting choice that most of the serious and despicable changes to Equestria have already been revealed. To me, this means the story will have to revolve around the main cast. In this case, I am overjoyed to see that story is going to explore the rebellious character, or lack of, of the Mane6. Of course, this is going to depend on FlanChan ability to capture the characters of the Mane6.

To be honest, I look forward to what FlanChan is going to do with this. My main concern is how well the Mane6 are going to be in character but I really hope it doesn’t act as a burden to this pretty far fetched concept. Character development, not only of the Mane6 but of the OC, could easily trip and fall if not done correctly. In other words, I have my hopes up for it but The Happiness and Peace of Mind Committee has an incredibly weak introduction with rather linear storytelling, but is going in the direction. As of now, it really matter how well FlanChan can build off of this weak foundation. Keep calm and carry on, right? Sorry for the short review this time. I really didn’t have much to say this time. This has been Admujica, I’ll see you guys next time.

The Happiness and Peace of Mind Committee gets a: 6 out of 10

Weak introduction with linear storytelling but an ambitious take on the Mane6’s characters

Read it here.

Other Reviews

This story has been reviewed by The Equestrian Critics Society.

Story Title: The Happiness and Peace of Mind Committee

Author: FlanChan

Reviewed by: Blankscape

The idea of a technologically advanced Equestria has been done before, but regardless of its original and suspenseful twist of a cliché premise, not much else can be said as anything of significant note has yet to happen. As it stands now, FlanChan needs to create a proper prologue and leave the synopsis in the cover page.

Full Review

Score: 3/10

FiM Fiction Review - March to the Scaffold

It’s judgement day for Chrysalis as the invader of the royal city of Canterlot is brought to stand trial for her crimes. Yes, ladies and gentleman, Chrysalis is about to pay her dues to Celestia for her failed invasion. Will the princesses have her executed? Will she be imprisoned for life? Will she be forced into slavery or something? Maybe she'll become Celestia’s pet changeling? Maybe I need to stop reading ship-fics, but that’s beside the point. Honestly, Foxy Kimichi’s March to the Scaffold really surprised me. Lets take a look at why. 

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March to the Scaffold by Foxy Kimichi

Complete (last updated Feb. 24, 2013)

Chrysalis is brought to Canterlot to stand trial for her failed invasion.  Thinking her fate is sealed, she is determined to be defiant to the very end. Loosely based on March to the Scaffold, the 4th movement of the musical piece Symphonie Fantastique by Hector Berlioz. Read it here.

Tags: Romance, Sad, Dark

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March to the Scaffold opens with Chrysalis, now in the hand’s of Equestria’s Royal Army, paying a visit to Canterlot. As we saw in the Season Two finale, her invasion failed miserably. Apparently Celestia was willing to send her soldiers to finish off the changeling army and hale Chrysalis’s sorry ass back for punishment. To be honest, I didn't have high hopes for this story. Chrysalis's fate something that would definitely be interesting to hear about. I always had a head canon for Chrysalis taking her own life after the fall of her kingdom. It was dark but at least it was a bit less predictable than the opening of this story. It is predictable, no question about it, but that’s where the less expected plot twists begin. March to the Scaffold does an excellent job with storytelling and almost never suffers from being cheesy or boring.

Of course, you can't tell a good story with bad characters. Chrysalis and Mortar each deliver fantastic performances with lines that don't make me cringe like I usually do with stories that have the “Romance” tag. What impressed me even more is that March to the Scaffold made me cheer on a complete jerk. Truth be told, Chrysalis was a very unlikeable character, but I'm sure I wasn't not the only one that ended up hoping that things will work out for her in the end. Mortar was just as great. He is a down to earth character that is very easy to connect to. Nothing really dramatic or out-of-the-ordinary in the characterization department, but that’s exactly what makes me feel so much for Chrysalis and Mortar.

I also have to address the source of inspiration and it’s influence on pacing. March to the Scaffold is loosely based on March to the Scaffold, the 4th movement of the musical piece Symphonie Fantastique by Hector Berlioz and other classical music pieces. Although music is a great and classy inspiration for literature, and vice versa, it can have some negative effects on the pacing. I know, I know. I pounded on Lethe about pacing too, but many can agree it’s one of or the most essential mechanics in a story. The pacing was perfect until the later chapters. They drag on, making the end feel like there should have been more. There’s a sweet spot with pacing. Too long and you'll bore people to death. Too short and the events lack weight. March to the Scaffold was close but no cigar.

Foxy Kimchi did a wonderful job and March to the Scaffold could have gotten a 9 out of 10 if it weren't for this little issue at the end. This one was a real joy to read and I look forward to what he does next. With a large audience and a big hitter under his belt, the possibilities are endless. Thanks Foxy and I hope to see you in the future. This has been Admujica, see you next time.

March to the Scaffold gets a rating of: 8.5 out of 10

EQD worthy, Absolutely worth reading

Read it here.

FiM Fiction Review - Lethe

Rainbow Dash losing her memories with a TwiDash twist? I could get into this. Perservation’s really did a good job here. Lethe has an enthralling plot and revolves around some deep concepts when you put some thought into it. Not to mention that Preservation really knows how to use a thesaurus and it shows. I really enjoyed this story and was truly impressed by it. Lets take a look at this beauty, shall we? 

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Lethe by Preservation

Complete (last updated Oct. 12, 2012)

Following an unknown incident on the border of the Everfree Forest, Twilight and Rainbow set out to discover the cause of the pegasus' amnesia and restore her memory. Yet the vehicle of her amnesia is linked not only to their past, but to an ancient magic, lost to the world a thousand years ago. Read it here.

Tags: Romance, Dark, Crossover, Adventure, Alternate Universe

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Since my reviews focus on the mechanical elements of a piece of literature, not so much appeal and creativity, I can't help but to start off by mentioning how phenomenal the vocabulary used in this story is. It’s easy to notice just how much effort went into making a well-worded, thought-provoking story within the first few paragraphs. Not to mention that the heavy use of such words put down an excellent amount of foreshadowing and mood. Although it is not the vocabulary that impressed me, but how it is presented. It’s not how beautiful the words were that made the piece shine, but how Preservation used them. Take this sentence for example: Observing the countryside, the stream made its way to the town of Ponyville, gently caressing the outer bounds of the bordering farmland before, finally, it trickled guilty into the Everfree Forest. It’s absolutely mind-blowing how much of the scenery is stuffed into one sentence! Not only that but, how notice how the adjectives give the “stream” a personality. This is an excellent example of experienced writing. It doesn't really show that this is Preservation’s first fanfic does it?

As we all know, great words don't mean great stories. I have to admit, the first chapter was hinting at a bad review. The early events of Lethe were really spoiled by bad pacing. The events went from-scene-to-scene-to-scene and in the end, lacked weight. Although the pacing was certainly not a problem later in the story, I quickly forgot the first chapter. Lethe could have definitely been flawless aside from this pacing issue. With that, it was really impressive when awesome wording, excellent pacing, and mood-setting scene description came together in the later chapters.

Aside from the pacing issue in the first chapter and the excellent vocabulary, I don’t have much to say about Lethe. Characterization of Twilight and Rainbow Dash was mediocre, but given the situation, their actions and thoughts were very realistic. The dialogue was mediocre as well. Not to mention how the story jumps around a lot in the second chapter. It’s not too noticeable; and is probably due to my short attention span; but the second chapter became very confusing when the scenes start and end very abruptly. A lot of of Lethe was mediocre, but it excelled in many aspects and I definitely recommend it to those of you who are looking for a sort-of-short story to read.

Lethe gets a rating of: 8 out of 10

Read it here.