Coming up next on Problematic Reviews

Coming up next on Problematic Reviews

Friday, November 22, 2013

Stories Back from the Read 2013 - The Winner Interviews | With Equestria Daily Pre-Reader, amacita

Welcome back fillies and gentlecolts! The Winner Interviews hosted by Equestria Daily's very own Amacita has been posted! Amacita and this year's winner of Stories Back from the Read sit down and talk about his inspiration for much of the story and the many months he spent planning it. Just click the link to find it on FiMFiction! That's all folks! Thank you for participating and have a fantastic Thanksgiving!

Read it on FiMFiction: click here.

Saturday, November 16, 2013

Stories Back from the Read 2013 Awards Ceremony

Welcome fillies and gentlecolts! The polls closed yesterday and week-long feud is over! Four spectacular stories went head-to-head and a victor has emerged out of the ashes! Will it be the mischievous Cutie Mark Crusaders? Or maybe the clever Twilight Sparkle showing she has slain yet another beast? Or how about the witty Minty Flower and deductive Grapevine Lulamoon? Find out after the break!

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Stories Back from the Read 2013 - Half Time Report

Admujica here with your last voting update before polls close this Friday. The competition has been intense and things will only get crazier before the contest closes. Dominating the competition is JawJoe's Twilight Sparkle: Night Shift, with over have the vote still in its pocket. Previously battling theswimminbrony's Your Beutifull over third place, RavenDagger's Of Steam Gears and Wings has not only beaten Your Beutifull but has also surpassed ToixStory's Freeze Frame! Freeze Frame is now holding third place but is right on Of Steam Gears and Wings' tail. Who will take second place? Will it be Minty Flower and her friends in Freeze Frame? Or will the Cutie Mark Crusaders take on the dominating Night Shift? Join us winner the winner is announce this Saturday!

Current Standings:
First Place - Twilight Sparkle: Night Shift by JawJoe
Second Place - Of Steam Gear and Wings by RavensDagger
Third Place - Freeze Frame by ToixStory
Fourth Place - Your Beutifull by theswimminbrony

Vote once every day until polls close in two days! Vote on the contest page or below the break!

Sunday, November 10, 2013

Stories Back from the Read 2013 - Day One Voting Results

Admujica here with your Day One Voting Results! The polls have been open for about twenty-fours and the results are quite interesting. In a surprise twist, JawJoe's Twilight Sparkle: Night Shift has taken the lead with over half the votes! Following in a steady second place is ToixStory's Freeze Frame with about a quarter of the votes. Fighting over third and last place, theswimminbrony's Your Beutifull is slowly giving ground taken early on to RavensDagger's Of Steam Gears and Wings. Will Night Shift continue this winning streak? Or is Freeze Frame going to catch up? Will Of Steam Gear and Wings win over Your Beutifull? Stay tuned to find out!

Remember, you can vote once every day! Vote on the contest page or below the break!

Saturday, November 9, 2013

Stories Back from the Read 2013 - Polls Open! Vote Now!

Welcome fillies and gentlecolts! Today four fantastic stories go head to head in a battle of epic proportions. You've read the stories, you've read the reviews, and you've met the authors! Now it's time to see who will get to take home the honorary title of "Winner of Stories Back from the Read 2013!" Polls are open from today to November 15th. You are allowed to vote once every day. The results will be posted Saturday, November 16th and will be followed by the Winner Interviews, hosted by Equestria Daily pre-reader Amacita. You can find all the nominees here. I hope you've enjoyed the reviews and are just as excited to see who the winner is as I am. That's all folks! Vote here or after the break!

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Stories Back from the Read 2013 | The Contestants, the Votes, and the Interviews

Welcome fillies and gentlecolts to Stories Back from the Read 2013! We are honored to bring you this exciting contest featuring the amazing works of four spectacular authors. Before anything though, the post below contains the contestants of this year's contest, details dealing with the voting process, and last but not least, an important announcement regarding the winner. So without further ado....

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

FiM Fiction Review - Freeze Frame

We're finally at the end of the first season of Stories Back from the Read. It's been five weeks of trekking through the perilous wilderness that is FiMFiction, but we're finally here. Hopefully you've read some of the fantastic stories featured and going to vote when polls open November 9th. News and all that good stuff aside, when I finished reading ToixStory's Freeze Frame, I laid in bed trying to comprehend how I was even going to approach this review. ToixStory's masterpiece is a mind-blowing mix of a phenomenal cast of characters, superb dialogue and excellent story progression. It's an engrossing adventure filled with drama and suspense and I couldn't have thought of a better way to bring up the rear of this reviewing season. Fillies and gentlecolts, it's been a pleasure reviewing with you tonight.

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

FiM Fiction Review - Fool's Gold

Sorry for the late review. I've been running around like a madman all week and lady luck hasn't exactly been fond of my efforts to get reviews done. Not to mention I've come down with some horrid bug flying around. Albeit it did give me a chance to wrap up in blankets and push on through Merc the Jerk's Fool's Gold. The glass half full right? Fool's Gold is an action-packed adventure that definitely has its moments, but also has its fair share of problems. Characterization can be a bit rough at parts and while the Mane 6 are not exactly the personalities we know and love from the show, they pull on through and stick to their cores. Decent dialogue drives much of the story. It feels a bit odd at first due to the action-driven nature of Fool's Gold but steadily improves as you get a feel for the pace and humor. Overall, Fool's Gold feels mediocre at the beginning and hits a few bumps along the way out but achieves what it set out to do: be a fun action-packed ride. Onward to the review!

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Story & News Updates - October 2013 | Partnership with Canterlot's Finest, Vengeance of Dawn featured, Stories Back From the Read Polls Open Soon, Nightmare Nights Dallas

I've never had a character other than one of the Mane 6 get on the header. Maybe I'm running out of banner inspiration. Or Cheerilee "convinced" me with her sensuous looks. Either way, we have a Cheerilee banner! Not only that but we have some awesome updates including a poster for the Stories Back From the Read contest, a word from our new partner, Canterlot's Finest, and some panel news! Get get this stuff and more below!

Sunday, October 13, 2013

FiM Fiction Review - Twilight Sparkle: Night Shift

I would say this is a fitting piece with Halloween around the corner. Think of it like this: Abraham the Vampire Slayer has a child with Fringe and Fringe cheats on Abraham the Vampire Slayer with My Little Pony. The fetuses joined in the womb and created this story. Did I mention I'm horribly sleep deprived? JawJoe's Twilight Sparkle: Night Shift is quite the adventure filled with conspiracy involving horrific monsters and dark magic. Twilight Sparkle has to use her wits and magic to not only defeat these terrifying creatures of the night, but also track down the mare behind them. Night Shift is a decent story that does it's job well. It's episodic style is attractive and the conflict is interesting and  progresses nicely. Dialogue can get a bit rough in the slower conversations; not flowing naturally in many places. Most scenes are visualized excellently and play into the fear factor well. Although there aren't any glaring issues on the surface, Night Shift has no shortage of problems. Onward to the review!

Saturday, October 5, 2013

FiM Fiction Review - Your Beutifull

Welcome back everypony! The thing with this Stories Back to the Read series is that it's sort of like going through your old record collection. The nostalgia just flows in. But I'm pretty sure most of you don't care how many clopfics I've read about my reading history so without further ado: Your Beutifull is not a story that revolutionizes the romance genre, but it does its job well and has some humorous plot elements driving the story beyond "[Pony 1] can't get themselves to tell [Pony 2] she loves him/her." I personally enjoyed some of these quirky elements and, along with great pacing and characterization, I would recommend you check this one out if you're into shipping. Onward to the review!

Sunday, September 29, 2013

(Q&A) Let's Talk About Writing: The Nuts and Bolts of Anything! [Season 1 - Episode 2]

Okay fellas. Let me bring you up to speed on things: writing is confusing. There are characters and dialogue and dramatic irony and scene visualization... you get it: the list goes on and on. Even the professionals don't know where to begin. Now that's where I come in. Critics help authors improve and reach out to their readers with brand spanking new stories. Tonight (Friday the 20th of September). I will be answering any and all question coming my way on writing on this forum. Head below the break for the second episode of Let's Talk About Writing!

Monday, September 23, 2013

FiM Fiction Review - Of Steam Gears and Wings

At this point things are back to the daily grind and late nights studying with Pandora Radio as my only companion. I personally don't mind for one reason: stories like RavensDagger's Of Steam Gears and Wings. Stories like this one are a breath of fresh air even if it is far from perfection. The characterization of the Cutie Mark Crusaders is fantastic as they are plunged into an epic struggle between an ambitious rebellion and an empire's monstrous armada; all made possible with the power of breathtaking world building and exposition. Scene visuals are well baked and the overall presentation is excellent. If there was one issue with Of Steam Gears and Wings, it would be that the dialogue gets a bit rough in some places. Nevertheless, Of Steam Gears and Wings is nothing short of excellent. Onwards to the review!

Saturday, September 21, 2013

(Q&A) Let's Talk About Writing: The Nuts and Bolts of Anything! [Season 1 - Episode 1]

Okay fellas. Let me bring you up to speed on things: writing is confusing. There are characters and dialogue and dramatic irony and scene visualization... you get it: the list goes on and on. Even the professionals don't know where to begin. Now that's where I come in. Critics help authors improve and reach out to their readers with brand spanking new stories. Tonight (Friday the 20th of September). I will be answering any and all question coming my way on writing on this forum. Head below the break for the first episode of our newest endeavor: Let's Talk About Writing!

Thursday, September 12, 2013

FiM Fiction Review - Two Worlds; One Family

Here we go again. I'll be blunt. Kind of like a band-aid: if you know it'll be painful, might as well take it off quickly. MrEnter's Two Worlds; One Family needs many revisions. From pacing to characterization, this story is horribly flawed. Although there are some moments that tear you up a bit, the characters are uninteresting and the reader has little reason to care for them. We see the main character barely develop due to some poor storytelling choices and There not much reason to care for the sub-conflict involving the Mane 6. When other original characters are added to the story, they hardly move the plot (if there was any) forward. The list really goes on and on. Two Worlds; One Family is in desperate need of some rewriting and a lot needs to be thrown out or polished. However, if I mentioned all the issues this story has here, it would be called the intro. Onward to the review!

Saturday, September 7, 2013

Story Updates - September 2013 | Site Beta Testing, Of Age Updates, and Stories Back From the Read Schedule Update

Welcome back, Internet travelers. It's Admujica here with a hot plate of story updates. A few things before we get on to the bag of goodies: as many of you have probably noticed, Jack and I finished designing the new template and have set it up for open beta. We are hoping the new website will deliver a faster, more focused interface and get rid of those nasty glitches many of our testers reported on the old one. Of course, it is in beta so many of the pages will be under construction for the next month or two and expect many bugs, particularly in mobile devices. To wrap this part up, we need your help! If you could leave you comments and suggestions below that would be splendid! Thanks and get those updates below the break.

Of Age Chapters 11 - 14 released
Nominated Winner of the 2013 Summer Review Marathon a few weeks ago, the epic story continues with chapters 11 through 14 released on FiM Fiction. With Of Age coming to a close sometime later this month with chapter 15, it's a perfect time to read this incredible story if already haven't. Read it here.

Stories Back From the Read Schedule Change
Some important news for our newest series, Stories Back From the Read. I unfortunately couldn't premiere the series with RavensDagger's Of Steam, Gears, and Wings due to issues contacting him. You understand. So we premiered with shalrath's The End instead. As a result, we had to move somethings around. Here is the updated schedule for you guys:

Season One - Episode Two: Airing September 14 
Of Steam, Gear, and Wings by RavensDagger - Read this story here

Season One - Episode Three: Airing September 28
Your Beutifall by theswimminbrony - Read this story here

Season One - Episode Four: Airing October 12
Freeze Frame by ToixStory - Read this story here

Thanks for reading! 

Sunday, September 1, 2013

FiM Fiction Review - The End [Stories Back From the Read - Season 1]

I get the feeling I'm going to get a lot of hate for this. Shalrath's The End is by far the most liked story reviewed on this blog, but I would fail as a critic if I told you I was impressed and therefore, earn your hatred. Nevertheless, a critic who doesn't expect to be hated obviously didn't read the job description thoroughly and didn't realize that hatred simply goes under “occupational hazard.” The End is at best a solid story with an excellent presentation but sub-par story elements. Even with its solid dialogue and good structure, The End is likely to disappoint those of you looking for a deeper read with lousy character development and poor story progression. For the sake of getting it over and done with, onward to the review!

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

News Update - August 17: 5000 Pageview Special (New series and the Summer Review Marathon Winners)

I woke up to the most pleasant thing this morning. Problematic Reviews has just hit its 5000 views milestone! We couldn't have done it without you, the readers. A huge thanks from the bottom of our hearts to all our readers, those of you with us since day one and the ones who've recently joined us. You guys are the best and to commemorate reaching this milestone, we only want to give you the best. Stay tuned after the break for our new series and the winner of the Summer Review Marathon.

Friday, August 16, 2013

FiM Fiction Review - Whispers

It's interesting how little time there is to do things during the Summer. In between vacations and such, time can really fly. However, there is a "calm before the storm" during these few weeks so I say we review two 30,000+ word, Equestria Daily featured stories starting with Chrono_Ryono's Whispers. Well, the second is about 90,000 words so I'm going to try to hide under a rock and try not to think of the sea of reading that awaits me. Nevertheless,  I have plenty of good things to say about Whispers. From the excellent dialogue to the interesting characters to the outstanding grammar and structure, it's hard to not recommend this story. But what's the use of recommending it when you'll (hopefully) read the review anyways? Onwards to the review!

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

FiM Fiction Review - Mare of the Mountains

Interesting. Very interesting indeed. History was always one of my favorite subjects in school and, as a result, I was overjoyed to watch Hearth's Warming Eve of Friendship is Magic only to be annoyed at how many questions Equestria's history books like to leave as [let the fanfic writers obsess over plot holes here]. That being said, I do wish to see more FiM Fictions that expand on Equestrian history or therefore lack of. What am I getting at? What I'm trying to say is: bias aside, I think Posey's Mare of the Mountains has the potential to be one of the most anticipated pieces of fan fiction of the year. I have many complaints, such as the slow introduction and poor scene transitions, but I can't say I'm too disappointed. The dialogue is excellent and the main character has potential with an interesting yet simple back story. As I said, I look forward to Mare of the Mountains but I rather tell you why in the review. Let's get to it shall we?

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

FiM Fiction Review - Loving the Sunny Skies

So if you haven't noticed yet, I just came back from a lengthy trip to my mother's home country, Guatemala. I had a absolutely wonderful time but I came back with quite an itch. Two in fact. The first from an awfully strange insect bit on my leg (which I should probably get checked out by the doctor soon). The second is a result of my insanity: I need a good pony story to read. Pony Withdraw symptoms are no laughing matter. Unfortunately, Midnight Words' Loving the Sunny Skies didn't do the trick. It was solid at best with mediocre dialogue and characters. Character introductions are sloppy and forgettable and the characters themselves are one-dimensional and predictable. Dialogue feels forced and overly sarcastic most of the time. Stateside equals reviews so let's get to it, shall we?  

Thursday, July 18, 2013

News Update - July 17: Back From Guatemala | Away From Keyboard Round-Up

Hello again, everypony. I'm happy to say my leave of laziness is finally over. After two weeks of family reunions and the likes in the mountains, I'm rested and ready to get back to work. Without further ado, let's get on to the weekly news. In the first slot, we have the Away From Keyboard Roundup and some news in the world of other FiM Fiction reviewers. Secondly, a letter of thanks to you guys. Catch this and more below.

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Announcing The Problematic Network Presents - Fallout Equestria: Render Unto Disharmony

I'm just about ready to head back from Guatemala but in the meantime, I'm here with my buddy and new lead editor for Spoiler-licious-ness, Alphagear with some exciting news! Alphagear has just broken ground on his latest project, Fallout Equestria: Render Unto Disharmony. Well, that's really it. I wish I had more but that's all he'll give me. That's some scary top-secret stuff going on right there. We're just announcing it but keep an eye out for further updates as soon as I get back. Thanks for stopping by and I'll see you guys next time! 

This post was programmed to release automatically. Current situations and news does not apply.  

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Story Updates: July 2013 [Of Age, Lethe, TECS Reviews...]

Hello again, everypony! I'm still relaxing on volcanic beaches at least 100 miles away from any form of telecommunications but thanks to the power of Blogger, I can program this post. Blogger, you amazing bastard. Anyways, have some story updates!

Friday, July 5, 2013

News Update - July 5: No Review This Week, Going on Vacation, Of Age Review Spotlight Post

Good evening, fellow interweb explorers! Do not fret, there is some good news; my graphics designer just forgot to put it in the banner. By the way, I didn't click the publish button on this post. I'm on an airplane headed towards Guatemala so that means you guys won't be seeing me for about two weeks. Thank you Blogger post schedule. Anyways, go get that hot plate of updates after the break! 

Thursday, June 27, 2013

FiM Fiction Review - Vengeance of Dawn

I'm sure I'm not the only one that has a love-hate relationship with not only FiM Fiction, but my FiM Fiction neighbors as well. We're a jolly lot aren't we? I mean, it's hard to deny it with all the gore and, let us not forget, clop. Nevertheless, I did say it was a love-hate relationship. The reason being, there's always that one story that blows you away, yet everyone seems to have missed... Scipio Smith's Vengeance of Dawn probably isn't the word 100,000 word epic 10-out-of-10-deserving story that we're all looking for, but with some fixing it could be pretty damn close. Smith did one hell of a job establishing that the aftermath of Princess Twilight Sparkle's coronation isn't easy for her and her friends. This is really Vengeance of Dawn's spot to shine: the characters, canon and original, have realistic and challenging inner struggles which establish their personalities. To back up the great characters, the dialogue is excellent and every conversation feels organic and flows nicely. However, both have their hiccups and the writing is not exactly top notch. Even with these problems, Vengeance of Dawn is an enjoyable read.  

=== === ===  
Vengeance of Dawn by Scipio Smith  
Incomplete (Last Updated June 15, 2013) 

Twilight grew up and found her destiny, but there is one pony who feels embittered that it should have been her destiny, her glory.  Breaking Dawn, Celestia's former student, is convinced that she is the true Element of Magic and has been robbed of her honours, her fame and most importantly of the love of Princess Celestia without which Dawn is nothing. 

Rallying her old friends, Breaking Dawn sets out to bring Equestria's newest princess down and pass the final test her mentor set her all those years ago. As Dawn begins to wreak her vengeance, and Twilight struggles to protect her precious ponies from her elusive adversary, both these students of Celestia embark upon a dark path, paying no heed to the truth that a quest for revenge can only end one way. Read it here.  

Tags: Tragedy, Adventure, Alternate Universe 
Rating: Everyone 
=== === ===  

Vengeance of Dawn's strongest point is undoubtedly its dialogue. I enjoyed reading the characters' conversations because they elegantly showcase the story's characters. Not to mention the dialogue flows excellently and the lines feel organic and rich with personality. As mentioned, it does hiccup a bit in the later chapters when I start to see the infamous "wall of dialogue."  Try to avoid one character talking for an obsessive amount of time; it can be an immersion-breaker for your readers. One last thing while we're on the topic of dialogue: the majority of errors occur in the dialogue. I spotted multiple random line breaks, the dreaded ", typo, and most of all, questions ending with periods. 

I can easily say that Breaking Dawn and her friends are beyond the copy/paste ex-Mane 6. A few of the not-meant-to-be Mane 6 element holders don't obviously represent their elements and I like that. Even more to the point, Scipio Smith didn't me bang over the head insisting that these guys are the antagonists. Even Dawn, the villains hell-bent on getting  her revenge, has her own struggles with the blood on her hooves and thus, developing the characters even further.  

Vengeance of Dawn contains many flashbacks to the earlier years of Twilight's time at Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns. I feared that this would the story choppy and difficult to read. Did it? Surprisingly not. It added a very nice narrative to the whole story; showing the reader the path that eventually lead to Dawn going for revenge. There were times when the flashbacks were rather choppy and transition badly, but they were fortunately few and far between. The flashbacks really saved the readers from some long explanatory dialogues.  

Now, some of you might draw parallels from the recently released Equestria Girls. I haven't seen it but I did see the similarities from viewing the trailer. Be advised if you are annoyed by those things, but originality is not my place to judge (from the critique point of view).  

The next could be considered a big problem, particularly for the more technical readers (writers than anyone else). Vengeance of Dawn, especially in the earlier chapters, has plenty of technical errors. I'm talking about run-on sentences, choppy paragraph breaks, the wall-of-text, and minor punctuation typos. They're hardly noticeable, but I couldn't help but point out that the writing can get pretty sloppy in some places.   

You know what? I liked Vengeance of Dawn. However, the characters, dialogue, and narrative (essentially the backbone of a story) act like a double edged sword, doing well in most places but hurting the story in others. Nevertheless, some of the narrative elements really backs this story up and with a little more polish, the characters as well. If you can get pass the technical problems, Vengeance of Dawn is a good story with interesting, down to earth characters. One last thing before I go, this should be the last review before the Fiesta Equestria 2013 convention and afterwards, my two week vacation to Guatemala. Reviews will be back in high gear when I return on the 18th of June. This has been Admujica, have a great weekend everyone and I look forward to seeing some of you at the con!  

Vengeance of Dawn gets a score of: 7 out of 10  
An overall very well done story with some technical problems  
Read it here.  

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Spoiler-licious-ness: Mini-Episode 3 - Reddit Replies: Any Advice for New FiM Fiction Authors?

So when I was first getting setup on the FiM Fiction scene, I thought I was going to be a writer like I've been in the past. To be honest though, I was so lost it was unbelievable. I didn't even know groups existed. So I set off to the one community I was similar with: the sacred lands of Reddit. Tiptoeing my way into the temple of /r/mylittlefanfic, I asked for its sage users. It's been nearly half a year now and even though I never took on my own FiM Fiction stories, I hold their advice near and dear. So without further ado, here's the edited version of the thread. Enjoy!  

Friday, June 21, 2013

Author Spotlight - ShootingStar Interview with Amacita

Good evening, fellow travelers of the interwebs. This one's going to be short so let's hop right to it. I posted my review on ShootingStar159's The Rising Stars about a month ago and revered it for its imaginative world building and fantastic storytelling. If you're looking for a great Starswirl story, The Rising Stars is truly the way to go. Little did I know that a few days after the review, ShootingStar's flagship story, Birthday Wishes, was featured on Equestria Daily. To put it in ShootingStar's own words: "So, that happened... :D" 

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

FiM Fiction Review - Everfree Courier

Human in Equestria stories. They float to the top of my inbox more than you might think. Kind of like the way my notes have somehow wandered off my hard drive for the last few days. Creepy if you ask me. I felt that DVAN56's Everfree Courier had several issues. The largest of these issues are the characters. Besides being straight up unnaturally unpleasant to each other, they often have "mood swings" and seem like clones. This is only exaggerated by the poor dialogue which is often predictable and linear. In a close second, Everfree Courier has many technical issues and weak storytelling. I really do hate negative reviews. I'm not just doing it to pick on you guys. Nevertheless, onwards to the review!  

=== === ===
Everfree Courier by DVAN56
Complete (Finished Jan 17, 2013) 
The Everfree forest needs a package delivered and only a human can do it in these dark times. The man must fight his way through the lands of Equestria to Canterlot if he is ever to see his home again. Read it here.   
Tags: Adventure, Human 
Rating: Teen 

I believe Everfree Courier would benefit greatly from a proof-reader. There were multiple grammar and spelling errors. The strangest of all these errors was that Everfree Courier suffered from a strange case of switching tense while writing. While most writers write in past tense (for example: Jane tiptoed to the door and opened it carefully), this story switches between past and present tense, sometimes mid-chapter or mid-sentence. This rather large technical error confuses the reader and is bad writing practice.  

The next rather large technical issue with Everfree Courier is a little something I like to call the Diary Syndrome. When a story suffers from Diary Syndrome, it is like a diary, just listing off the events of the story and adding commentary here and there. The end result is something that is clunky and rather undercooked. It affects pacing, making the story skip through plot points and shortening the story overall.  

I believe that most stories that feature a post-apocalyptic Equestria really set out to tug at your heart strings. It's knowing the land and its people during better times that makes you cheer on the protagonists in hope of a "restoration to the land's former glory." I'm afraid Everfree Courier doesn't set the mood to really make the reader care. Descriptors are bland and linear, making it feel like not much attention was given to fully flesh out the environment.  

As said in the introduction, the character are not exactly this story's strength. They are a minor bit clone-y and aren't always consistent with their established personalities. However, it's not really the characters that are weak, but their dialogue. Dialogue is undeniably the strongest avenue to showcase characters but Everfree Courier abuses it. Conversations feel fake and extremely linear. Not to mention there is a lot of explaining in the story. These explanations aren't exactly conversations, but long lines of dialogue that explain a story element.  

I usually don't like to mention story elements and concepts, since these reviews mostly highlight story mechanics and the likes, but I felt this needed to be mentioned. Everfree Courier's storyline is disjointed and it felt like many of the story elements didn't need to be there in the first place. Not to mention the story slams on the brake too often to explain these overly complex elements that didn't do much to change the storyline. Remember, originality shouldn't be at the sacrifice of a good, clean story arc.  

This brings me to my next point, where is the story arc? I keep getting the whole epic journey sort of vibe but Everfree Courier is much too short to really make me feel like the characters really withstood a challenging ordeal. I really don't mean to compare, but take ToixStory's Freeze Frame for example.  It is clear that ToixStory fleshed out just want kind of hurdles his characters were going to have to face to reach their ultimate goal. The readers really get a taste of how they had to face the hurdles of the conflict at hand and each other as a team. I didn't feel that with Everfree Courier. Instead, it was just Get From Point A to Point B with one or two little setbacks. I honestly wish this story was a bit longer just to truly see how the character handle their day-to-day ordeals. Not to mention the characters didn't exactly change over this time. After all, a story is not about what happened, it's about what happened to the characters and how it changed them for better or for worse.  

In the end of the day, Everfree Courier has a lot of potential but just needs to full flesh out its dialogue and characters. If it bring its imaginative story elements and characters together into a more tightly knit storyline but also widens its focus to show the reader "the journey," I believe DVAN can really put something amazing together. I see a lot of potential with you DVAN, and I wish you the best of luck with your future ideas. This has been Admujica. You guys have a great weekend.  

Everfree Courier gets a score of: 3 out of 10  
Poor dialogue and characterization plague an already weak story arc 
Read it here.