FiM Fiction Review: The Equestrian Origins Trilogy (Part 3): The Pendant and the Amulet

We're finally here. I’ve review all three stories of the Equestrian Origins Trilogy. Links to all the reviews, and stories, are after the review. While my reviews of this trilogy’s first two parts weren't at all positive, Cerulean Voice’s third and final addition to the series certainly did surprise me in a few ways. To describe it in a few words: The Pendant and the Amulet's introduction is solid. Pendant manages to build on its main characters from Keeper of the Crystal Heart and avoids many of the problems its predecessor faced. It also provides a good introduction to the plot and foreshadows the antagonist excellently. Unfortunately, The Pendant and the Amulet already has some flaws. I was told The Pendant and the Amulet is only about 25-percent complete but even its opening chapters hint towards some of the problems its like to face. Check out the full review after the break! 

FiM Fiction Review: The Equestrian Origins Trilogy (Part 2): Keeper of the Crystal Heart

I couldn't help but notice the streak of negative reviews I've been handing down recently. Like I've said many times in the past, giving out low scores is not something I'm particularly proud of, even if it is in the job description. Nevertheless, I marched forward through Cerulean Voice’s Keeper of the Crystal Heart desperately hoping this story would break this trend. To put it bluntly: it doesn’t. Keeper of the Crystal Heart has many glaring issues which make the whole thing come off as weak and sloppy. More tragically, many of these problems lie at the core of the story. With its bland characters, convoluted conflicts, and poor pacing; I can't say I would recommend it. Head below the break for the full review of Keeper of the Crystal Heart by Cerulean Voice.

FiM Fiction Review: The Equestrian Origins (Part One): These Flowers Never Bloom

Welcome back, internet travelers! I'm taking on another little endeavor to brighten things up in our imaginary offices. I introduce to you, the reader, my latest shenanigans: series reviews! Just kidding… I know it's not all that exciting. Worth mentioning though: For the next few weeks, we'll be putting Cerulean Voice’s Equestrian Origins Trilogy under the microscope and reviewing all three stories. With that incredibly important piece of news: onwards to the review! These Flowers Never Bloom, the first of three stories diving into the very origin of Equestria is, surprisingly, rather solid. It definitely has its moments with some fascinating imagery and solid dialogue. However, things start to get awfully troublesome in the character arc department when clunky pacing and some bland main characters combine to make things stagnate. Either way, I recommend you take a look at it. Head down below the break for my review of Cerulean Voice’s These Flowers Never Bloom!

FiM Fiction Review - Twilight Sparkle: Night Shift

I would say this is a fitting piece with Halloween around the corner. Think of it like this: Abraham the Vampire Slayer has a child with Fringe and Fringe cheats on Abraham the Vampire Slayer with My Little Pony. The fetuses joined in the womb and created this story. Did I mention I'm horribly sleep deprived? JawJoe's Twilight Sparkle: Night Shift is quite the adventure filled with conspiracy involving horrific monsters and dark magic. Twilight Sparkle has to use her wits and magic to not only defeat these terrifying creatures of the night, but also track down the mare behind them. Night Shift is a decent story that does it's job well. It's episodic style is attractive and the conflict is interesting and  progresses nicely. Dialogue can get a bit rough in the slower conversations; not flowing naturally in many places. Most scenes are visualized excellently and play into the fear factor well. Although there aren't any glaring issues on the surface, Night Shift has no shortage of problems. Onward to the review!

FiM Fiction Review - Of Steam Gears and Wings

At this point things are back to the daily grind and late nights studying with Pandora Radio as my only companion. I personally don't mind for one reason: stories like RavensDagger's Of Steam Gears and Wings. Stories like this one are a breath of fresh air even if it is far from perfection. The characterization of the Cutie Mark Crusaders is fantastic as they are plunged into an epic struggle between an ambitious rebellion and an empire's monstrous armada; all made possible with the power of breathtaking world building and exposition. Scene visuals are well baked and the overall presentation is excellent. If there was one issue with Of Steam Gears and Wings, it would be that the dialogue gets a bit rough in some places. Nevertheless, Of Steam Gears and Wings is nothing short of excellent. Onwards to the review!

FiM Fiction Review - The End [Stories Back From the Read - Season 1]

I get the feeling I'm going to get a lot of hate for this. Shalrath's The End is by far the most liked story reviewed on this blog, but I would fail as a critic if I told you I was impressed and therefore, earn your hatred. Nevertheless, a critic who doesn't expect to be hated obviously didn't read the job description thoroughly and didn't realize that hatred simply goes under “occupational hazard.” The End is at best a solid story with an excellent presentation but sub-par story elements. Even with its solid dialogue and good structure, The End is likely to disappoint those of you looking for a deeper read with lousy character development and poor story progression. For the sake of getting it over and done with, onward to the review!

FiM Fiction Review - Mare of the Mountains

Interesting. Very interesting indeed. History was always one of my favorite subjects in school and, as a result, I was overjoyed to watch Hearth's Warming Eve of Friendship is Magic only to be annoyed at how many questions Equestria's history books like to leave as [let the fanfic writers obsess over plot holes here]. That being said, I do wish to see more FiM Fictions that expand on Equestrian history or therefore lack of. What am I getting at? What I'm trying to say is: bias aside, I think Posey's Mare of the Mountains has the potential to be one of the most anticipated pieces of fan fiction of the year. I have many complaints, such as the slow introduction and poor scene transitions, but I can't say I'm too disappointed. The dialogue is excellent and the main character has potential with an interesting yet simple back story. As I said, I look forward to Mare of the Mountains but I rather tell you why in the review. Let's get to it shall we?

Announcing The Problematic Network Presents - Fallout Equestria: Render Unto Disharmony

I'm just about ready to head back from Guatemala but in the meantime, I'm here with my buddy and new lead editor for Spoiler-licious-ness, Alphagear with some exciting news! Alphagear has just broken ground on his latest project, Fallout Equestria: Render Unto Disharmony. Well, that's really it. I wish I had more but that's all he'll give me. That's some scary top-secret stuff going on right there. We're just announcing it but keep an eye out for further updates as soon as I get back. Thanks for stopping by and I'll see you guys next time! 

This post was programmed to release automatically. Current situations and news does not apply.  

Story News - Lethe [Story Update Coming Soon]

Good morning everyone. I have a little update for you. Preservation's Lethe was the first story I  reviewed and I definitely recommend you go check it out. Aside from some pacing problems, it is extremely well  written and the characterization is excellent. It got an 8 out of 10 back then. I was just informed that Preservation has rewritten it. Details after the break.  

FiM Fiction Review - The Human and The Tall One

I couldn't help but notice that I have been giving out lower and lower scores as of late. I think I might just be growing a bit ill-humored and therefore more willing to burn a box of puppies. I never liked the bloody things anyways. TheMadBrony’s The Human and the Tall One has an entertaining main character that is driving force behind this story. The conversations he has with himself are hilarious and while it doesn’t express internal conflict, his multiple personalities provide very amusing commentary. However, this story is quickly weighed down by mediocre dialogue and bad characterization. Even more so, the narrative and writing need some work. This is going to be another negative review, isn't it? Yep! Onward to reviews!

FiM Fiction Reviews - Outbreak: Unknown

It’s easy to say that I probably shouldn't be writing reviews at the moment. The first wave of finals are inbound and it’s about time to hide in the bunkers. Nevertheless, I am still here. Sorry if I snap at a few at you. Secretary! Give a story to review this week! Wait.... I don't have a secretary. Damn shame. Well then I'll chose... like I've always done for the last two months. How about a darker one? Ah yes! ChaosBrony93’s Outbreak: Unknown was right on mark with trying to set its darker tone but things quickly go south with the exposition and dialogue. Both end up disappointing and overall rather dull. I hate to say it but Outbreak: Unknown is tied down by several problems that overwhelm the good in it.

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Outbreak: Unknown by ChaosBrony93

Incomplete (last updated April 14 2013)

This is a recount of the events that transpired on the eve of Nightmare Night, 30 years ago today. These hoof-written accounts were ignored as writings of mad-ponies and diseased minds... But they were wrong. Far beneath the lush beauty of Equestria lies a sinister secret, the dark past long forgotten by unicorn and pegasi alike. I must warn you dear reader, what you read within these very pages is the absolute truth. Seek it and perish without a scream... Without a whisper... Read it here.

Tags: Dark

Rating: Teen, Gore

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I don't like to bring up this issue too often considering we are, after all, amateur writers. While it shouldn't lower the standards, it’s impossible to expect an unpaid individual who is simply doing this on his/her free time to have perfect grammar and spelling every time. However I caught several mistakes throughout Outbreak: Unknown. In this case, I do recommend finding an editor for it will greatly improve the piece.

Outbreak: Unknown, as well as the horror genre, focus greatly on design. They strive to perfect imagery but also to find the ideal exposition. So after making me dry heave, I couldn't help but realize that that, even with my overly sensitive stomach, the imagery is very well done; especially when trying to highlight the darker portions of the story. If you won’t listen to me then listen to the former contents of my stomach.

Unfortunately, that’s probably the only good thing from this story. Like I said in the intro, things quickly go south from there. Outbreak: Unknown knew where it was going. It knew the dark, desperate situation it was shooting for but the exposition is lacking. Even with its head start, the exposition lags behind and often repeats itself. Not to mention it all is really dull and uninspiring. You see, I find that some authors don't get the mood just right. Sometimes they are too subtle, but in this case, the mood is shoved down the reader’s throat like some gigantic pill. Back off a bit, you know? Try not to repeat yourself too often and try to tell the story through the character’s eyes.

This brings me to my next point. Twilight and her friends break character very often. I would go in depth but these reviews are spoiler-free. Just keep in mind: “What would they do in the show?” While we're at it, the dialogue doesn't only break their characters even further, but is also choppy and unrealistic. Some of the lines are cringe-worthy and conversations change faster than Hollywood celebrities’ love lives. I often say, if you can't carry out the conversions in real life, then they shouldn't be in your story.

So I hired a secretary while writing this review. I believe his name is Watson but I wouldn't know because he quit on the first day. Something about underpayment and I give him too much work, but that besides the point! Outbreak: Unknown comes in swinging with great imagery but is crucified by its lacking exposition and bad characterization. However, I can say that some of you that enjoy the things that my stomach obviously doesn't could enjoy this story. Before signing out, I must say that the next two weeks will be unbelievably busy for me and there might not be a review this week. Please don't lynch me. This has been Admujica.  I'll see you guys next week and stay safe EQLA blackout survivors!

Outbreak: Unknown gets a score of: 5 out of 10

Strong imagery that appeals to the horror genre but not without several exposition and dialogue problems.

Read it here.

FiM Fiction Review - The Rising Stars

The thunderstorm that came by my neighborhood wasn't too friendly, to say the least. Not to mention my porch was flooded, the local gasoline station came down with a case of oh-god-the-building-is-collapsing. Now, I never liked Texaco anyways but I do like using metaphors. I’m not saying it’s like the Texaco gasoline station, but ShootingStar159’s The Rising Stars comes pretty close to collapsing due to excess weight. The Rising Stars pulls through in the end but nearly dies as it goes through too much world building in the early chapters. The pace slows frighteningly in the beginning and suffers from bad exposition. Get passed it’s problems and The Rising Stars does very well with good dialogue, interesting characters and intriguing world building. Poor Texaco, the only thing they get is to be used as a metaphor.

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The Rising Stars by ShootingStar159

Incomplete (Last Updated April 16, 2013)

After almost being executed for his magical talents, a young Starswirl wanders into a mysterious forest. His life is barely saved by a creature out of legends, an alicorn named Luna, who not only saves his life, but takes the young colt under the care of herself and her older sister.

But Luna isn't the only one who's taken an interest in the young unicorn... Read it here.

Tags: Sad, Dark, Adventure

Rating: Teen, Gore

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Starswirl was a character that always intrigued me and I was looking forward to some backstory. However, I was quick to put away my bias as my reviewer senses started tingling. The first chapter, if I recall correctly, opens with Luna retelling the events of the past few years. Considering The Rising Stars is set as far back as before Hearth's Warming Eve, you can say ShootingStar has plenty of wiggle room to exercise his imagination on the world of our equine friends. The end result is fantastic. ShootingStar puts together an intriguing and fascinating world that had me hooked from the start.

Unfortunately, this is where one of The Rising Stars main problems occur. I have read the review fromThe Equestrian Critics Society which I recommend reading but disagree with in some cases. The point is, this is where I highly disagree with them. The exposition is weak and problematic at best. The new universe is a big pill to swallow with exploration of the origin of the Elements of Harmony, Alicorns, and the creation of the world itself. All this information is given to the reader quickly and very blandly. There are more interesting mediums to recall past events.

I just realized that I started on the negative side of things. No worries, The Rising Stars has some good stuff up its sleeve. This however isn’t one of those “good things.” The largest issue this story faces is its strange case of being extremely slow. It take four chapters to establish any sort of conflict and in the meantime, the mystery is never brought up by any of the characters. It just feels like too much time is taken in doing, well that’s the problem, nothing.

Finally! On to more good stuff! For one, the dialogue is great and feels natural in most instances. It does have its hiccups where the conversations don’t flow all too well. Unfortunately, it does happen often enough to reduce points, but the dialogue does well overall. Some could complain that Celestia and Luna do not speak in the Royal Canterlot voice, but there is an explanation. Now, the author has said it himself and I am confident he would allow me to speak on his behalf. The Royal Canterlot voice doesn't exist yet. If you remember from Hearth’s Warming Eve, the three tribes were united when they agreed on sharing the land known as Equestria. We can assume Canterlot was founded after the events of Hearth's Warming Eve by the Unicorns. As a result, the idea of the Unicorn royalty later developing the “dialect” isn’t too far fetched. Hey! It makes sense to me!

Last but definitely not least is the writing style. Hats off to ShootingStar for this one. The Rising Starsdoes a good job at following the “Show, Don’t Tell” technique. This is where the writing style packs a punch. Scenes are clearly visualized without long descriptions of them. It’s hard to do and it’s incredible on the writer’s part.

It’s getting late now and as much as I like sitting at the keyboard with bloodshot eyes, yawning like it’s my duty to wake up the entire household, I think it’s time to wrap this review up. The Rising Stars has several problems including bad pacing and a lacking exposition. However, I highly recommend it because of it’s strength in writing style, dialogue, and world building. ShootingStar’s The Rising Stars will never fail to intrigue the reader as it is a display of the writer's imagination that knows no end. This has been Admujica. Have a great week everyone!

The Rising Stars gets a score of: 8.5 out of 10

Although it begins weakly, The Rising Stars has excellent dialogue and incredible world building.

Read it here.

The Equestrian Critics Society Site can be found here.

The Rising Stars Review by the Equestrian Critics Society can be found here.

FiM Fiction Review - Farming In the Icy Inferno

We've seen Spitfire shipped with Dash and Soarin so much that ForlanceAbice’s Farming In the Icy Inferno was really a breath of fresh air. Well thought-out dialogue and great pacing really went hand-in-hand when making this very nicely written story. Sadly, every piece of literature comes with its flaws and this is no exception. Farming In the Icy Inferno comes with some grammar errors and suffers with some character issues. Nevertheless, ForlanceAbice crafted a story that won't stand out to most people but is definitely worth a read. Better formatted review on Google Docs.

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Farming In the Icy Inferno by ForlanceAbice

Incomplete (last updated March 21,2013)

Applejack doesn't have time nor the desire to find and fornicate with some stallion or mare, her duties demanded that she give her all to the future of her livelihood. So she didn't expect anything much one cold morning when a mysterious pegasus crashes into the barn that is undergoing renovation. A very "famous" pegasus to be matter of fact, who flees a most tiresome life, desperate to just settled down and find some simple peace. Both Applejack and this mystery pegasus will find out life is never simple, especially when their fates are intertwined with something most sinister. Read it here.

Tags: Sad, Romance

Rating: Teen, Sex

*Description has been edited due to space constraints

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Farming In the Icy Inferno really stood out to me in regards to pacing. The important plot points never felt like they were “swept under the rug” due to rushing nor did they overstay their welcome. The excellent pacing also helped put a lot of weight behind the events occurring outside of the romance. I found this to be really neat because it’s not something we see too often in shipfics. Sometime it’s these factors that should shape the main character’s lives, not the romance.

Spitfire had a lot of development to her character and it all went very well with the foundation the show already established. I enjoyed seeing her character grow but still “make sense” in a way. Unfortunately, the same can't be said for Applejack. She’s probably one of the weakest characters of the show, but Applejack fell out of character a fair share of times in the story. Especially in the early chapters, Applejack’s caring nature fails to be captured and it sticks out like a sore thumb because of how dialogue heavy these chapters can get.

That brings me to another point: the dialogue flows well and feels real most of the time. Yes, some of it can be cringe-worthy and it does exaggerate the moments when Applejack acts out of character, but the dialogue really shines when things start to get a bit tricky in the later chapters. The conversions are well put together and flow very nicely. The romance does just as nicely. The pace makes it more or less realistic and the dialogue only complements the very well built love story.

Now to the aforementioned issues at hand. The grammar issues might seriously bother some people like myself. I spotted a fair amount of errors throughout and I am happy that Forlance is well aware of the problem. He has post a request for pre-readers and editors and I cannot express how much it would help this story. It’s a shame to have something like this burden this story. The second issue is that scenes are not really visualized well. Dialogue heavy stories cannot forget the importance of scene visualization because of it great effect on mood. A scene by the fireplace is a lot more romantic than say... a garbage dump. Now image a fireplace with a beautiful brick hearth with gentle, slow flames surrounded with aromas of a delicious applepie in the oven. Sorry, I’m really hungry right now. Sets the scene a lot better, right?

Farming In the Icy Inferno is a great story with a few easily fixed problems. Applejack’s character is better expressed in the later chapters and grammar issues look to be fixed in the near future. I enjoyed reading Farming In the Icy Inferno and while there is a lack of scene visualization, the romance is well built with excellent pacing and good dialogue. Those of you looking for a medium length Applefire will enjoy this one a lot. This has been Admujica. I'll see you guys next time.

Farming In the Icy Inferno gets a score of: 8 out of 10

Worth reading, small issues but great dialogue and pacing that complement a good romance

Read it here.

FiM Fiction Review - The Happiness and Peace of Mind Committee

You can't judge a book by it cover. Nor can you judge it from the prologue. Reviewing FlanChan’s The Happiness and Peace of Mind Committee is something that has taken a lot of thought, not only because of how short it is but also where I can the see the plot and its problems going. Although FlanChan’s concept of a constantly-happy utopian Equestria is promising, the conflict introduces itself weakly and present a story which unless done carefully, could ruin this story for me. 

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The Happiness and Peace of Mind Committee by FlanChan

Incomplete (last updated March 7, 2013)

"Are you happy? You know it’s your duty, right? Do as you're expected!”

Twilight Sparkle lives with her friends in a technologically advanced utopia, where the happiness of everypony is guaranteed. There are no fights, no heartbreak, and no troubles of the past. Everypony lives in bliss.

Twilight and her friends need to rebel. Read it here.

Tags: Dark, Adventure, Alternate Universe

Rating: Teen

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I will address this very briefly because, after all, it is the prologue and I do not expect the story to continue presenting itself in diary-style. The diary writing style of the prologue was an appropriate way to introduce the main conflict, but I feel that it was poorly executed in regards to characterization. You would expect there to be personality and strong emotions in a diary. I don't know about you guys but that’s how I write in my journal. Don’t judge. Although, one thing I have to give it credit for is the mood it sets with the writer’s amnesia. I felt that something was really wrong throughout the prologue. This where The Happiness and Peace of Mind Committee really shines. Twilight’s character is depicted well because the only thing she remembers is the thing most important to her: her friends. It’s genius how not only does this amnesia set the mood, but also shows Twi’s character.

This might be the weakest point for the exposition: the storytelling is flat out linear because it takes on storytelling as telling a story. Okay, wait. That might sound confusing. Fact is, the prologue doesn't show us a story, instead it tells a story. This can be fixed by adding character into the writing or just by introducing the conflict by different means.

It’s quite an interesting choice that most of the serious and despicable changes to Equestria have already been revealed. To me, this means the story will have to revolve around the main cast. In this case, I am overjoyed to see that story is going to explore the rebellious character, or lack of, of the Mane6. Of course, this is going to depend on FlanChan ability to capture the characters of the Mane6.

To be honest, I look forward to what FlanChan is going to do with this. My main concern is how well the Mane6 are going to be in character but I really hope it doesn’t act as a burden to this pretty far fetched concept. Character development, not only of the Mane6 but of the OC, could easily trip and fall if not done correctly. In other words, I have my hopes up for it but The Happiness and Peace of Mind Committee has an incredibly weak introduction with rather linear storytelling, but is going in the direction. As of now, it really matter how well FlanChan can build off of this weak foundation. Keep calm and carry on, right? Sorry for the short review this time. I really didn’t have much to say this time. This has been Admujica, I’ll see you guys next time.

The Happiness and Peace of Mind Committee gets a: 6 out of 10

Weak introduction with linear storytelling but an ambitious take on the Mane6’s characters

Read it here.

Other Reviews

This story has been reviewed by The Equestrian Critics Society.

Story Title: The Happiness and Peace of Mind Committee

Author: FlanChan

Reviewed by: Blankscape

The idea of a technologically advanced Equestria has been done before, but regardless of its original and suspenseful twist of a cliché premise, not much else can be said as anything of significant note has yet to happen. As it stands now, FlanChan needs to create a proper prologue and leave the synopsis in the cover page.

Full Review

Score: 3/10

FiM Fiction Review - White Box

Well, SimCity proved to be a complete failure so I spent much of my week on Youtube and watching the launcher tell me Servers Busy: Please wait a hundred more hours. Of course, much of that time fimfiction.net stared at me from that comfortable place on my bookmarks bar like a lost cat longing for attention. I think all of you can guess what was the first thing I saw: an unread story that has 10,000+ views. This should be a piece of cake. So let’s get reviewing shall we? 

Chromosome’s White Box is nothing short of a masterpiece. For being a short story that shouldn't bring much investment when it comes to character development (due to time constraints), this story hooked me from the start with its excellent writing style and winning narration. Even with its considerably large plot holes, White Box was an incredibly touching and thought provoking experience. Here is why this story made me shed some liquid pride.

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White Box by Chromosome

Complete (last updated April 18, 2012)

My name is Canvas. I remember because I wrote it in the corner of the white box. It takes twelve steps to get from the cot to the wall. And the lights hurt my eyes. Read it here.

Tags: Tragedy

Rating: Teen

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White Box is an interesting take on insanity or more accurately, lack of knowledge. The whole drive behind it is questioning why the character thinks the way he does. What is most fascinating is how well the narrative immerses me into Canvas’s head. Canvas, more precisely his thoughts, narrate the story and it makes the narrative legitimately from his point of view. In fact, the narrative is probably the highest point in this story. Not to mention how his thoughts flow really well and feel incredibly natural. Since the story is mostly thought driven, I was surprised when I found myself not asking about details of actions or environments.

This first-person, thought-driven setup takes on a few issue and succeeds past my expectations, because of how simple everything seems at first. To me, it was shaping up to a really simple-minded approach to Canvas’s character. I shocked when it did the complete opposite. I found that White Box was so brilliantly set up to later so us just how much he develops as a character! In addition, it delivers one hell-of-a-punch when things got intense near the end.

The pacing was excellently done and it became apparent when the climax felt like a train hit me. The build up was excellent and there weren't any parts that felt rushed or overstayed their welcome. Twilight’s appearance was spot on and Chromosome put her in a place we have never seen before: what she will do when she sees other ponies doing wrong deeds. Twi stayed true to her character and reacted just as she would in the show. This is pretty amazing considering how we've never seen such a situation canonized.

Unfortunately, White Box has a big flaw to it. As mentioned in the beginning of my review, this story has some plot holes. Although it wraps up nicely, several questions are left unanswered. A fair share of things were not explained and left me wondering if there was more. I consider this major problem because  White Box doesn't have any excuse to continue the main conflict.

There are not enough words in the modern English dictionary to express how much I recommend this story. To summarize, mind-blowing narrative, incredible character development, excellent pacing, and an intense climax came together to make a real masterpiece. White Box is must-read for anyone looking to a short, touching story. Thank you Chromosome. This was Admujica, see you guys next time.

White Box gets a rating of: 9 out of 10

Read it here. (Click it NOW!)

FiM Fiction Review - March to the Scaffold

It’s judgement day for Chrysalis as the invader of the royal city of Canterlot is brought to stand trial for her crimes. Yes, ladies and gentleman, Chrysalis is about to pay her dues to Celestia for her failed invasion. Will the princesses have her executed? Will she be imprisoned for life? Will she be forced into slavery or something? Maybe she'll become Celestia’s pet changeling? Maybe I need to stop reading ship-fics, but that’s beside the point. Honestly, Foxy Kimichi’s March to the Scaffold really surprised me. Lets take a look at why. 

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March to the Scaffold by Foxy Kimichi

Complete (last updated Feb. 24, 2013)

Chrysalis is brought to Canterlot to stand trial for her failed invasion.  Thinking her fate is sealed, she is determined to be defiant to the very end. Loosely based on March to the Scaffold, the 4th movement of the musical piece Symphonie Fantastique by Hector Berlioz. Read it here.

Tags: Romance, Sad, Dark

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March to the Scaffold opens with Chrysalis, now in the hand’s of Equestria’s Royal Army, paying a visit to Canterlot. As we saw in the Season Two finale, her invasion failed miserably. Apparently Celestia was willing to send her soldiers to finish off the changeling army and hale Chrysalis’s sorry ass back for punishment. To be honest, I didn't have high hopes for this story. Chrysalis's fate something that would definitely be interesting to hear about. I always had a head canon for Chrysalis taking her own life after the fall of her kingdom. It was dark but at least it was a bit less predictable than the opening of this story. It is predictable, no question about it, but that’s where the less expected plot twists begin. March to the Scaffold does an excellent job with storytelling and almost never suffers from being cheesy or boring.

Of course, you can't tell a good story with bad characters. Chrysalis and Mortar each deliver fantastic performances with lines that don't make me cringe like I usually do with stories that have the “Romance” tag. What impressed me even more is that March to the Scaffold made me cheer on a complete jerk. Truth be told, Chrysalis was a very unlikeable character, but I'm sure I wasn't not the only one that ended up hoping that things will work out for her in the end. Mortar was just as great. He is a down to earth character that is very easy to connect to. Nothing really dramatic or out-of-the-ordinary in the characterization department, but that’s exactly what makes me feel so much for Chrysalis and Mortar.

I also have to address the source of inspiration and it’s influence on pacing. March to the Scaffold is loosely based on March to the Scaffold, the 4th movement of the musical piece Symphonie Fantastique by Hector Berlioz and other classical music pieces. Although music is a great and classy inspiration for literature, and vice versa, it can have some negative effects on the pacing. I know, I know. I pounded on Lethe about pacing too, but many can agree it’s one of or the most essential mechanics in a story. The pacing was perfect until the later chapters. They drag on, making the end feel like there should have been more. There’s a sweet spot with pacing. Too long and you'll bore people to death. Too short and the events lack weight. March to the Scaffold was close but no cigar.

Foxy Kimchi did a wonderful job and March to the Scaffold could have gotten a 9 out of 10 if it weren't for this little issue at the end. This one was a real joy to read and I look forward to what he does next. With a large audience and a big hitter under his belt, the possibilities are endless. Thanks Foxy and I hope to see you in the future. This has been Admujica, see you next time.

March to the Scaffold gets a rating of: 8.5 out of 10

EQD worthy, Absolutely worth reading

Read it here.

FiM Fiction Review - Lethe

Rainbow Dash losing her memories with a TwiDash twist? I could get into this. Perservation’s really did a good job here. Lethe has an enthralling plot and revolves around some deep concepts when you put some thought into it. Not to mention that Preservation really knows how to use a thesaurus and it shows. I really enjoyed this story and was truly impressed by it. Lets take a look at this beauty, shall we? 

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Lethe by Preservation

Complete (last updated Oct. 12, 2012)

Following an unknown incident on the border of the Everfree Forest, Twilight and Rainbow set out to discover the cause of the pegasus' amnesia and restore her memory. Yet the vehicle of her amnesia is linked not only to their past, but to an ancient magic, lost to the world a thousand years ago. Read it here.

Tags: Romance, Dark, Crossover, Adventure, Alternate Universe

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Since my reviews focus on the mechanical elements of a piece of literature, not so much appeal and creativity, I can't help but to start off by mentioning how phenomenal the vocabulary used in this story is. It’s easy to notice just how much effort went into making a well-worded, thought-provoking story within the first few paragraphs. Not to mention that the heavy use of such words put down an excellent amount of foreshadowing and mood. Although it is not the vocabulary that impressed me, but how it is presented. It’s not how beautiful the words were that made the piece shine, but how Preservation used them. Take this sentence for example: Observing the countryside, the stream made its way to the town of Ponyville, gently caressing the outer bounds of the bordering farmland before, finally, it trickled guilty into the Everfree Forest. It’s absolutely mind-blowing how much of the scenery is stuffed into one sentence! Not only that but, how notice how the adjectives give the “stream” a personality. This is an excellent example of experienced writing. It doesn't really show that this is Preservation’s first fanfic does it?

As we all know, great words don't mean great stories. I have to admit, the first chapter was hinting at a bad review. The early events of Lethe were really spoiled by bad pacing. The events went from-scene-to-scene-to-scene and in the end, lacked weight. Although the pacing was certainly not a problem later in the story, I quickly forgot the first chapter. Lethe could have definitely been flawless aside from this pacing issue. With that, it was really impressive when awesome wording, excellent pacing, and mood-setting scene description came together in the later chapters.

Aside from the pacing issue in the first chapter and the excellent vocabulary, I don’t have much to say about Lethe. Characterization of Twilight and Rainbow Dash was mediocre, but given the situation, their actions and thoughts were very realistic. The dialogue was mediocre as well. Not to mention how the story jumps around a lot in the second chapter. It’s not too noticeable; and is probably due to my short attention span; but the second chapter became very confusing when the scenes start and end very abruptly. A lot of of Lethe was mediocre, but it excelled in many aspects and I definitely recommend it to those of you who are looking for a sort-of-short story to read.

Lethe gets a rating of: 8 out of 10

Read it here.